Poems from 1996
January Poems
snow angels and dreaming 03Jan96
the snow eddied on the road
from the hems of the angels gowns
the angels dance on the highway
drifting the snow into swirls
forming dragons and rattlers
that lead me into the spirit world
and last night's dreams follow me
into the waking hours
to hint at the coming night's attractions
and i do not know who is calling me
and i do not know where to find her
she hides in the open
to which i am blind
she sends messages to me
one wind blown feathers
and sleep crusted dreams
and they are in the language of color
and detail and insect pattern
that i cannot decipher without the dream
that i cannot know without my soul
to guide my trembling lips
she sends me omens
of oracle intent
and oracle obscurity
it is only later that i
see a pattern and a code
in them
but her arms are around me
and there is something in the dreaming
that surrounds me
with the feelings of those i have known
and those of my blood ages past
and i am a child again
warm inside a circle
as tenuous as the placenta
and just as real
and the dreaming leads into
journeying and learning
and there is growth and life
until i kick into the air
and sear my lungs with a death
that so many call life
for air is deadly to the waterbreathing
and air is all they offer here
but in the moment of death
when nothing can be breathed
my lungs change and turn to the poison
that will sustain me the rest of my life
and still i will be enheld by her
and by all of those
who have ever been there
and the dreams continue
i wash my windows of my car
for visibility is important
and i make New Year's Resolutions
between making love and making sex
between satiny sheets
and i dream details
and journeys and pictures
more cryptic than arabic to the english eye
before i wake up to life that is
by turns dull and bright
and there is a strange symmetry in the cycle
that i find myself within
and there is a strange contentment
in the cycle
and a decision i feel lurking on the horizon
that in a moment I will turn to see
dreams that find me never leave me the same
text
i dreamed last night of walking through a forest. it was an english forest of tall trees, bright sunlight and deep shadow. i wore a flowing gown of a color more intense than words, a color that does not exist. my lips were painted maroon of a singularly concentrated color, while my hair was pale as a spider web. my eyes were outlined with kohl and dark as the shadows. the destination to which i was heading was critical and the colors important, but the details of the leaf and light combinations and the shadow upon light... it was in the detail of the dream that the key to it lay.
and now, as i am waking and typing this, the dream tickles the edges of my mind. light as the goddesses feathers. and i feel the presence of those i have known and called friends and those who bore my blood before i had a body to bear it. they surround me and hold me as if i were a child. there is a decision or a destination that i am coming to. it lurks somewhere close, and those around me are there to help to this place or point. there is a pivot in my life coming up, a critical point, and a change i as yet do not comprehend. that is the way it flows. and the dreaming is ever the scout.
i think tonight that i will walk spirit with a guide and i do not know who that guide is. but i will.
February Poems
Fragment 26Feb96
five people in a four seater
make things start getting friendly.
and before the trip is over
new friends, softly, are found
and
---rip---
March Poems
Never Never Land 06Mar96
a full fathom
beneath the mid-sky see
the realm of nightmares lies
that's 10 feet up
from your sleeping head
with moonbeams to your eyes
and dancing upon
those blood-red crests
your demons twist and howl
and pull scabs
from the weeping wounds
deep within your soul
Days 07Mar96
Five Days 07Mar96
five days past
before the midnight sky
enveloped the sun
i was alone
with myself
and the creatures of nature
walking through
the woodland trails
where I balance my soul
but, this was before
the mushrooms
that spread darkness
bloomed so great and tall
that even giants
were diminished
Finding 07Mar96
long time past
when i was a child
demons entered my life
and brought with them
putrescence of a spiritual sort
silent out of mind
their antics were
until maturity and time
wore thin the barriers
and bought them presence
now, haunted by beasts
of a past no longer dead
i find myself wandering
late into the night
searching for surcease
and deep within that
midnight black
i find no answers
save this one...
internet friend 07Mar96
for gabe and tom
far between our varied lives
and between a moment of time
we meet in this imaginary world
of computer chip and silicon line
virtual words travel from you to me
connecting 2 strangers in a relationship
that is intimate all the same
later,
as you become on of my best friends
and we confide all that we are to each other
we find comfort in the distance
produced by the lines and chips
while we find comfort in the warmth
and the intimacy that are present
rain beat 07Mar96
today, in the rain and mist
there is music that calls
to dance and weave dreams
through the silvered drops
that reflect souls
and fantasies alike
there is a beat in the air
similar to a heart
and it moves the body
in patterns long forgotten
3 poems 19Mar96
1. woman in bar 19Mar96
she sits there fishing
into femininity
her pose the lure,
an illusion,
as fine as spiderwire
and all the fish
from minnow to shark
that circle around
her golden hook
reinforce the ghosts
within her mind
2. Too Far 19Mar96
for Kim, your third poem
for about a year now
i have been your friend
regardless of what you are
regardless of what i am
i have let you take
and then pretend to give
i have watched you promise
words that became lies
as they left your mouth
you are more fickle
than a rattler
because that is your nature
because that is your excuse
so many times
you have taken something
and left that thing depleted
without thought for anything else
you are selfish and unstable
a scared child who does adult things
and neither considers nor bears
the consequences
you try to make other people
decide your decisions
and take responsibility
for you life
and for a year now
i have played your game
but i have no more to give you
and i am tired.
So very tired...
And
the other day
you finally pushed me
3. Figuring it out... 19Mar96
i love you
trust you
and feel frightened
about feelings
intense so soon
you are good
to me
and for me
and i am confused
you would
i think
do almost anything
for me...
i feel safe
you are
i think
a dangerous person
and
there are dragons
within you
that you haven't
yet learned
to ride
your addictions
smoking and drink
bother me
whipping at my thoughts
of a future
clouding the bright
of what might be
After 30Mar96 1:21 a.m.
lying beside you
my body tired
from vigorous sex
my mind spins
circles around orgasm
and whipped cream
chocolate syrup
and heated body oil
and my body sleeps
the sleep of innocence
or the sleep of the dead
mellowness seeps
into the cracks
of my soul
chasing out
the silverfish of memory
and the mildew of ghosts
until nothing is left
save the glow
of a red lamp
on sweat jeweled bodies
i sleep.
Interlude 30Mar96 1:21 a.m.
ironic plays
as a background
for beating hearts
and coursing webs
of silvered life
the strands of the web
wrap you into me
merging us
without bound
until the moment
fades into sleep
Prequel 30Mar96 1:21 a.m.
days have gone by
as moment builds
upon moment
and the words
to write have formed
pictures
that now crowd
through my head
until nothing is
able to penetrate
the ebb and flow
of rhythm and dream
Anew 30Mar96 1:21 a.m.
traveling through a day
doing my typical things
i ran into you
saw you
past my own preconceptions
presented you an invitation
you accepted
and i felt warm
and confused
---rip---
for You 30Mar96 1:21 a.m.
For Kim and Sierra, may it all turn out right.
you had news tonight
that frosted your Summer world
and put out sacred dreams
I feel for you
and your daughter
but have no words
that can remedy anything
Find peace, my Friend,
however you can.
April Poems
Vagaries 06Apr96
her future was bright
the rainbow tail of the oracle comet
and everyone said she'd go far
but none knew that her wings
so many times broken
screamed with every uplifting beat
and none knew that having fallen
so many times uncaught through life
heights terrified her soul into numbness
so none ever could understand
why she chose the vagaries of fate
and spent her life on the ground
taking pictures of the sky
Redo of Never Never Land stanza 4
and pull the scabs
from the weeping wounds
deep within your soul
Valve
encouraging me to write
return to college
seek counselling
you try to give outlet
to the storms within my soul
So be it.
snow angels and dreaming 03Jan96
the snow eddied on the road
from the hems of the angels gowns
the angels dance on the highway
drifting the snow into swirls
forming dragons and rattlers
that lead me into the spirit world
and last night's dreams follow me
into the waking hours
to hint at the coming night's attractions
and i do not know who is calling me
and i do not know where to find her
she hides in the open
to which i am blind
she sends messages to me
one wind blown feathers
and sleep crusted dreams
and they are in the language of color
and detail and insect pattern
that i cannot decipher without the dream
that i cannot know without my soul
to guide my trembling lips
she sends me omens
of oracle intent
and oracle obscurity
it is only later that i
see a pattern and a code
in them
but her arms are around me
and there is something in the dreaming
that surrounds me
with the feelings of those i have known
and those of my blood ages past
and i am a child again
warm inside a circle
as tenuous as the placenta
and just as real
and the dreaming leads into
journeying and learning
and there is growth and life
until i kick into the air
and sear my lungs with a death
that so many call life
for air is deadly to the waterbreathing
and air is all they offer here
but in the moment of death
when nothing can be breathed
my lungs change and turn to the poison
that will sustain me the rest of my life
and still i will be enheld by her
and by all of those
who have ever been there
and the dreams continue
i wash my windows of my car
for visibility is important
and i make New Year's Resolutions
between making love and making sex
between satiny sheets
and i dream details
and journeys and pictures
more cryptic than arabic to the english eye
before i wake up to life that is
by turns dull and bright
and there is a strange symmetry in the cycle
that i find myself within
and there is a strange contentment
in the cycle
and a decision i feel lurking on the horizon
that in a moment I will turn to see
dreams that find me never leave me the same
text
i dreamed last night of walking through a forest. it was an english forest of tall trees, bright sunlight and deep shadow. i wore a flowing gown of a color more intense than words, a color that does not exist. my lips were painted maroon of a singularly concentrated color, while my hair was pale as a spider web. my eyes were outlined with kohl and dark as the shadows. the destination to which i was heading was critical and the colors important, but the details of the leaf and light combinations and the shadow upon light... it was in the detail of the dream that the key to it lay.
and now, as i am waking and typing this, the dream tickles the edges of my mind. light as the goddesses feathers. and i feel the presence of those i have known and called friends and those who bore my blood before i had a body to bear it. they surround me and hold me as if i were a child. there is a decision or a destination that i am coming to. it lurks somewhere close, and those around me are there to help to this place or point. there is a pivot in my life coming up, a critical point, and a change i as yet do not comprehend. that is the way it flows. and the dreaming is ever the scout.
i think tonight that i will walk spirit with a guide and i do not know who that guide is. but i will.
February Poems
Fragment 26Feb96
five people in a four seater
make things start getting friendly.
and before the trip is over
new friends, softly, are found
and
---rip---
March Poems
Never Never Land 06Mar96
a full fathom
beneath the mid-sky see
the realm of nightmares lies
that's 10 feet up
from your sleeping head
with moonbeams to your eyes
and dancing upon
those blood-red crests
your demons twist and howl
and pull scabs
from the weeping wounds
deep within your soul
Days 07Mar96
Five Days 07Mar96
five days past
before the midnight sky
enveloped the sun
i was alone
with myself
and the creatures of nature
walking through
the woodland trails
where I balance my soul
but, this was before
the mushrooms
that spread darkness
bloomed so great and tall
that even giants
were diminished
Finding 07Mar96
long time past
when i was a child
demons entered my life
and brought with them
putrescence of a spiritual sort
silent out of mind
their antics were
until maturity and time
wore thin the barriers
and bought them presence
now, haunted by beasts
of a past no longer dead
i find myself wandering
late into the night
searching for surcease
and deep within that
midnight black
i find no answers
save this one...
internet friend 07Mar96
for gabe and tom
far between our varied lives
and between a moment of time
we meet in this imaginary world
of computer chip and silicon line
virtual words travel from you to me
connecting 2 strangers in a relationship
that is intimate all the same
later,
as you become on of my best friends
and we confide all that we are to each other
we find comfort in the distance
produced by the lines and chips
while we find comfort in the warmth
and the intimacy that are present
rain beat 07Mar96
today, in the rain and mist
there is music that calls
to dance and weave dreams
through the silvered drops
that reflect souls
and fantasies alike
there is a beat in the air
similar to a heart
and it moves the body
in patterns long forgotten
3 poems 19Mar96
1. woman in bar 19Mar96
she sits there fishing
into femininity
her pose the lure,
an illusion,
as fine as spiderwire
and all the fish
from minnow to shark
that circle around
her golden hook
reinforce the ghosts
within her mind
2. Too Far 19Mar96
for Kim, your third poem
for about a year now
i have been your friend
regardless of what you are
regardless of what i am
i have let you take
and then pretend to give
i have watched you promise
words that became lies
as they left your mouth
you are more fickle
than a rattler
because that is your nature
because that is your excuse
so many times
you have taken something
and left that thing depleted
without thought for anything else
you are selfish and unstable
a scared child who does adult things
and neither considers nor bears
the consequences
you try to make other people
decide your decisions
and take responsibility
for you life
and for a year now
i have played your game
but i have no more to give you
and i am tired.
So very tired...
And
the other day
you finally pushed me
3. Figuring it out... 19Mar96
i love you
trust you
and feel frightened
about feelings
intense so soon
you are good
to me
and for me
and i am confused
you would
i think
do almost anything
for me...
i feel safe
you are
i think
a dangerous person
and
there are dragons
within you
that you haven't
yet learned
to ride
your addictions
smoking and drink
bother me
whipping at my thoughts
of a future
clouding the bright
of what might be
After 30Mar96 1:21 a.m.
lying beside you
my body tired
from vigorous sex
my mind spins
circles around orgasm
and whipped cream
chocolate syrup
and heated body oil
and my body sleeps
the sleep of innocence
or the sleep of the dead
mellowness seeps
into the cracks
of my soul
chasing out
the silverfish of memory
and the mildew of ghosts
until nothing is left
save the glow
of a red lamp
on sweat jeweled bodies
i sleep.
Interlude 30Mar96 1:21 a.m.
ironic plays
as a background
for beating hearts
and coursing webs
of silvered life
the strands of the web
wrap you into me
merging us
without bound
until the moment
fades into sleep
Prequel 30Mar96 1:21 a.m.
days have gone by
as moment builds
upon moment
and the words
to write have formed
pictures
that now crowd
through my head
until nothing is
able to penetrate
the ebb and flow
of rhythm and dream
Anew 30Mar96 1:21 a.m.
traveling through a day
doing my typical things
i ran into you
saw you
past my own preconceptions
presented you an invitation
you accepted
and i felt warm
and confused
---rip---
for You 30Mar96 1:21 a.m.
For Kim and Sierra, may it all turn out right.
you had news tonight
that frosted your Summer world
and put out sacred dreams
I feel for you
and your daughter
but have no words
that can remedy anything
Find peace, my Friend,
however you can.
April Poems
Vagaries 06Apr96
her future was bright
the rainbow tail of the oracle comet
and everyone said she'd go far
but none knew that her wings
so many times broken
screamed with every uplifting beat
and none knew that having fallen
so many times uncaught through life
heights terrified her soul into numbness
so none ever could understand
why she chose the vagaries of fate
and spent her life on the ground
taking pictures of the sky
Redo of Never Never Land stanza 4
and pull the scabs
from the weeping wounds
deep within your soul
Valve
encouraging me to write
return to college
seek counselling
you try to give outlet
to the storms within my soul
So be it.
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