POEMS FROM 1993 - I was 20 -
Phoenix Faltering 21Jan93 - 01Feb93
eyes opaque
bloodshot glowing
wings defeathered
and long scraped to bone
wear down little more
one further length
of broken beating
that turns to thunder
rolling ever closer
to its source
on this musty day
leached of color and shine
I think of You -
pray that soon
You become the lightning
deception 03Feb93
the light shines down
fluorescent bright
shadows darkest creep
while overhead
you cease to be
lost
within the scene
then all turns sharp
a child's laugh
before the tires squeal
Mary's Gift to the Other 09Feb93
Out of anger
that flames
to burn the cinnamon cross
and singe the whiskers of god
rises the Phoenix
four times the cycle
has turned
and now
from out the coffin's mold
the red bird springs into Being
with love and freedom
for The Other it brings
glass flowers on the sand
cross your heart 24Feb93
You say you love me.
How thrifty you are
with that reward -
a coin you drop on sweaty sheets.
Thanking me in the traditional way.
Assuming I have need
of your silver.
You say you love me,
in a whisper you mean
from the bottom of your heart.
And I...
I pick up your coin,
shove it under the bed -
to tangle cobwebs
and keep companion the faithful widow .
fishing the air 25Feb93
you nod at me
telling me your time has come
signaling I am to move
quickly
before my mouth fills
with clorox brine
as if under water
and I choke.
you push me
wondering why I don't move
and then
when you cannot stop
and I go under
you do not hear
my dead fish gasping
you wonder for days
why I wanted to drown
Chasm 25Feb93
you nod at me to take it back
and ask me to smile
telling you there is not hurt
and I am strong
telling you
it all makes no difference
I do not nod back
accept your nodding forgiveness
I will not add other lies
to that damned pile.
it grows daily, you know
like a horrible tumor
keeping pace with my belly
and that too comes between us
Evolution 25Feb93
This city's made of fossils
rocks and bones
made from stones
of long forgotten beasts
It isn't clean
neat and ordered
like tall soldiers
at Buckingham Palace
No.
It's jumbled. The beasts
were frozen one night
where they lay or stood...
...in doorways yet to exist
and yet to become.
Pattern 25Feb93
I prayed to god
wanting an answer
to the problem of nothing-
I got no answer
the darkness became nothing
and I the god
then I became nothing
and heard god
nothing's echo answered
Eve 04Mar93
I am back to picking at my nails. I find I do that a lot. Looking at yellow/pink skin that frames squares of chitin. Some of the skin - stained inky from exploded pens in mystery purse caverns - is flaking. I think of how Medusa's head must have itched.
I wonder if my fingers were ever kin
to those snakes -
a forked path of descendence
from snake to stubby thumb
from head to hand.
I bite the shaling thumb,
husk it down to red,
ponder the professor's world
of philosophy and paradigms.
He is talking about Eve.
I think about Eve
and snakes
and red things forbidden.
Do you think the apple cried
when devoured by innocence?
Do you think Eve kissed
the snake in joy
for knowledge
for the pain
and the freedom
that came with the blood?
You know, I didn't chew
my fingers until puberty,
when I first met Eve.
Maybe that's why
I attempt to eat myself.
Anyway, if I bite my nails,
look at salmon fingers,
I don't have to look at the professor
as he expounds how Eve fell.
No, I can't think of Eve falling -
maybe down to skin her knee.
Do you think God should have kissed...
futility 430 04Mar93
circles of metaphor
twisted into ellipses
of academic mentality
pressed till turnip dry
pressed to dust
Hemingway and the 6th grader 12Mar93
i wonder
if Hemingway's thoughts
just before he blew his head off
were any different
than my brother's
6th grade friend
who did the same
do you think
they thought of
sunrises
locusts
and oak trees
or were their thoughts
of shadowed things?
were they thinking
at all
or was it only emotion
that sense of
hopelessness
when there is just
further degrees of descent
and darkness?
did they feel
soul-cancer
a gangrene of sorts
that eats talent
a dream-cancer
turning lizards to dragons
and angels to demons?
what were they thinking
when they
touched their faces
to the barrel
when their finger
touched
the hook-like trigger
and latched on
like a starving fish?
#4 22Mar93
The sticks click and clack
like the voodoo man's bag,
and I can't think of that.
Its skin has become
a peach fruit leather
and doesn't help the noise.
It waits in my closet
in three burlap bags
marked:
lamb's wool
dyed black.
Music III 23Mar93
Fermata starts the glide
and the band draws a shaky breath
gasping like a fish
drowning on air
drowning on life
that rises with the new moon
to crush and to smother
love 23Mar93
it's just like flippin' a bugger
in a room full of people
you never know where it's gonna land
and
you don't stick around to find out
Omens 23Mar93
I. stew
shoulder bone
hip bone
ankle bone
snake bone
carried within
a hemp covered skull
II. rhythm
red touch black
venom lack
red touch yellow
kill a fellow
III. styx and stones
sticks and stones
knuckle bones
shoulder bones
old enamel and shards
he throws the bones
to predict
to curse
to read the runes
of red turned brown
and red touching black
blood on ivory
of the babe
Sittin' 24Mar93
Balsac Prozac Gibberish.
Means nothing to me.
Don't care what they are.
Don't want to know.
Jist gonna sit here
see the light touch the grass
and the hoppers.
g
r
a
double s
hippty-hop
never stop
till you reach the top
e
r
Gonna sit here
Jist sit 'n think 'n smoke my pipe.
Oil and Water 24Mar93
oil and water
don't mix
but kiss lightly
they flirt
and circle each other
passionate
perhaps
but always hopeful
maybe
just maybe
bullets 24Mar93
Bullets and blows and salt sprayed wind
paint the meadows red.
They color the columbines
and roses appear -
swirls upon the grass,
eddies and tides and tiny creeks
disperse scarlet
to sunlight.
Inheritance 24Mar93
i am my mother's daughter
brown hair and blue eyes
average build big feet
average all over
except the feet
i am my mother's daughter
money doesn't matter
do as makes you happy
fly whenever you can
don't grow up
above all
never
grow up
Lilith 25Mar93
They called Lilith a renegade,
an ungrateful wench.
And Adam hated her
and god punished her
because, after all,
she didn't play
to little boy whims.
They threw temper tantrums
and sold her to the demons.
She liked them better.
They, at least,
had all their teeth.
Sex... 25Mar93
brutal
animal joining
of bump and grind
thrust
and rejection
a primitive
bone dance
of gasp and scream
against convulsion
Romance... 25Mar93
an apple
fresh plucked
knowledge
of crunch
splash of sweet water
licking the lips
smile
PC 25Mar93
Have you ever wondered
if god's a skanky old man -
looking sorta like
uhm, well, George Burns?
Smoking a soul - Cuban of course.
No.
God wouldn't do
something
that causes cancer
in his laboratory rats.
And he wouldn't
be smokin' only Cubans.
I mean,
my god!
That would be
politically incorrect.
children 26Mar93
I wanted nothing more
than to join oil and water
red water, white oil
and that's not so great a thing.
After all, Eve got the skin.
It was red.
Adam got the flesh.
It was white.
wrong 28Mar93
his eyes widen
blue on red
bulging
and mad
his hands
are angry
tearing
passion guised
he is
intrusion
with broken-ness
fault is assumed
piles of limbs 29Mar93
piles of limbs
tossed any which way
after the burst has passed
and we have time
to clean up the stretch
we scurry to pick up
as the wind blows
the leavings
ruffling red and rust
mixed with green
and scattered white
Dawn 13Apr93
i broke up with YOU today
I broke up with You today
Oh, yes
I BROKE UP
with you today
and my room still smells
of stale incomplete
sex
I'm just now spraying Lysol.
Daddy 15Apr93
you hook your finger
stick it up me
then spin it several times
when the hungry fish bites
you tremble.
Daddy II 17Apr93
you smile at me
crook your finger
and slide it down my cheek
you breathe softly
than turn off the light
midnight 22Apr93
i wake feeling vaguely...
unsettled
and reach for my lover
to sex the feeling away
but my hand stops
midair
when i see moonlight
pooled about his throat
like silver blood
or maiden tears
i hear the sound
of the buildings
moaning
as the wind caresses them
i am paralyzed
with their excitement
and lie there
waiting
(No Title 27Apr93)
I felt your heartbeat
through your body
and mine
as if I were pregnant
of you and of
myself
The moment stretched
upon your panting breath
grass 28Apr93
i.
I'm sittin' outside, in the grass. The sun's hot, and I'm thirsty. I find myself wantin' to pick a single blade, put it between my teeth and chew.
I know it's not because I
didn't eat lunch
(I did)
and I know it's not 'cause
I've got a yen
for green things
(I don't)
ii.
gramps
picked a blade
dandled the wheat end
out of his mouth
and told
me stories
of the hills
I aped him
as I sat by his side
and we both waited for sunset
and the Whippoorwill's call.
I can taste that green taste
acrid and
(I used to fancy)
ant-made
I thought it was ambrosia
that the ant-queen
left -
just enough,
mind you,
for gramps and me
Continuance 05May93
end in end
i feel you
your heartbeat
flows thru' the bond
of you in me
beating the drums
of the fertilization chant
the shadows weave
as your blood
seeds the earth
Mountain Smoke 14May93
the mountains
smoke
their breath wreaths
about my head
in circles
of grey desire
and ash piles
about my feet...
...Ash that joins
falling tears
giving lie
to all you've said
Countess Elizabeth Bathory 15Jun93
Do you remember me
the one you took
I am the one you stole
who is buried in you garden
why do your roses bloom so red
at night
I hear the wind
carry the rent of souls
what is it that you are
when you tend your roses
are your hands red
do you know...
do you remember me
I am the one you took
I am the one you chained
long ago
why is your maid pale and scarred
and you strong as razor wire
or iron chain
in your cellar there are manacles
they hold my skin still
mixed to crusted blood and rust
do you remember me
I am the one you left
the one you forgot to kill
Too bad, that
It was a fatal slip
Life and Lines 17Jun93
lift to touch the sky
rise to seek the stars
hidden in its eye
find the hidden spring
held within the door
twist, turn, and crash
fall to hit the floor
Prometheus 19Jun93
Tears forging chains
bind me to this earth
fetter my wings
steal the wind
no more do I know
freedom of elsewhere
joy of elsewhen
I am bound
You did this to me
unaware
I forgive you
and hold out
my hands
to catch another tear
daisies growing out of death 27Jun93
1918
that was the year of the Flu
the year of the cold harvest
It started in November
for October was unseasonably warm
and though the caterpillars were bristling
with thick colored coats
and the old women were calling down storm and dark
we knew it would be warm on the morrow
October was hot
as if Autumn had forgotten us
and we ignored winter signs
But November came in furious
with a snap that happened mid-day
while our children were at school
and grey shrouded skies
threatening storm
The temperature dropped
and the air turned sharp
and we saw fear on our breath
Our children were dressed
for warm October
but November 5th was cold.
Most of the young'uns
in school that day
got the sniffles
For a few,
the sniffles turned to a cold
We thought it was done
But the clouds built higher
while the children with colds
ran fevers that turned to flux
and started to die
We knew then
as the storm broke the sky
down upon us
It was the Flu
It touched every house
with a coarse hand.
Lighting on the old
and the young first
They took to bed
and left it only once more
The mothers who nursed their young
watched their children die at their breasts
and then died themselves
The daughters who cared for their siblings
watched brother and sister die
before the Flu touched them too
The husbands dug their own grave
while they dug the graves for their families
And they died
When it was over
the ones that were left
buried bodies
under that grey-spun sky
And no one wept
We saved our tears for the living
that they might live one hour more
and perhaps one hour after that
for the living were worn down
and while November was harsh
December would be worse
That storm broke
taking with it the Flu
and a full half of our kin
wrapped in its shroud
But the next took its due
and the one after that
When spring finally came
one in three still lived
to hear the first babies cry
Camping 03Jul93
the falling rain
merges
with the sounds
of your breath
I lie beside you
shoulder to shoulder
legs intertwined
and ponder
the philosophy
of your heartbeat
Shadowspawn 23Jul93
The music twists in the background
in time with her serpentine tears
The sun is going down
and the time of shadows draws near
The walls of the room fade to grey
grow fainter with each passing minute
She begins to smile
and croon to the serpents around her feet
Precious oh, my precious ones
the shadows grow and beckon
we hunt
my precious ones we hunt
The litany swells upon a drum beat
Upon a wave of bitterest shadow
she leads her troops
into the music bound streets
the perfect victim 23Jul93
You bound me hand to foot and made me be still the perfect victim You took away all defense I had and painted a target on my brow At my tears of helpless anger you were surprised You never understood that what you did to me was worse than all else done
Memory 21Aug93
Tonight you walk among us
a shiver upon your hand
You stalk through our dreams
trailing ashes of bone
There is no god to guard us
no sky to blanket us
and keep us safe and warm
No hope to shield us
We turn in our sleep
awake to our own screams
twisted in sweat-soaked sheets
When we turn on the lights
we find that light only
makes your shadows darker
REVISION
Shadowspawn 21Aug93
Tonight you walk among them
You stalk through their dreams
trailing ashes of bone
There is no god to guard them
no sky to blanket them
keeping them safe and warm
They turn in their sleep and
wake to their screams
twisted in sweat-soaked sheets
When they turn on the lights
They find the luminescence
makes your shadows darker
madness 08Sept93
The night is covered with rain
down my windows
within my ears
The sky reads clouds by lightning strike
and Cassandra's Words
appear in blood covered thunder
I know this time
It is mine and yours
I know this night
Death rides up to my door
and I welcome him
I take him to my breast
He nurses like a teething child
Chaos comes to the hearth
and I welcome him.
The foyer leads to my bedroom
As the thunder drips down my windows
he climbs on top of me
Our sex is violent and real
It is the only real thing
in this world of atomic destruction
A vortex of murder spills out of him
it takes seed within my womb
to spawn the next generation
And nothing is sacred anymore
Not even the rutting that occurs
between bed sheets
Nothing is pure
And nothing
nothing is ever real
Leather Remains 08Sept93
They stepped into the sphere
to descend to the Atlantis of our past -
silently.
Around their capsule whales sang
of a history
long forgotten out of mind.
They each thought their own private ghosts
and wondered...
What was left?
When they arrived in the blue limbo-
stasis chamber of yesterday,
all they found were shoes.
Everywhere.
Matched pairs of shoes
pointing towards eternity.
midnight 11Sept93
Once again the night has darkened
as clouds turn back upon themselves
and cover the faded moon
tropical dreams 18Nov93
I dreamed last night
In that dazed-time between waking
and slumber
I saw an island of white sand
sterile in the cold darkness
There was nothing alive
no ferns or grasses
no creatures
nothing
The sea surrounding
was dark and flat
It did not glisten in the moonlight
It did not move
* * *
Today is my birthday
and I know the isle is barren
For ages upon ages
it has been deprived of sun
* * *
Soon the darkness
will wear away the sand
and it will be as if
no island ever existed
in the black corrupted sea
I think I will greet
the sunrise
They say it will burn
I think it will simply
feel of new growth
For my present
I will give myself light
I have not seen the dawn
for ten thousand years
Grandparents 23Dec93
They wait there
in the arm chairs
that have had
years practice holding
weakening, softening bodies
They have been waiting for years
and may have years yet before them
I do not think that
they see any difference
between a day or a decade
The pain has defined their days
time out of mind
they no longer know what it was
to not feel pain
she no longer knows
what it was to walk
to be free
He no longer knows the wind
or the smell of grass
long has he stayed by her side
waiting with her
so she won’t be alone
so he won’t be alone
-----
I can see them there
in the chairs shaped to their bodies
yellow light turning sagging faces to wax
they do not move for a moment
do not seem to breathe
in the hot stale air
Grandpa starts suddenly
anxious from a dream
a dream that is not ever remembered
He looks to grandma
wanting reassurance he is not alone
wanting to give her his strength
wanting something beyond
beyond strength
beyond reassurance
He reaches out hesitantly
to lay his hand on her cheek
touching, loving, testing
She opens her eyes unfocused
“Manley”
Blindness has made it a question
She reaches up to catch his hand
not knowing exactly where she is
afraid but patient
She knows the time
as does he
that has slowly become their world
minutes that magically
turn to hours or years
time that they watch
seeing or blind
as it goes along without them
waiting ever waiting for an end
eyes opaque
bloodshot glowing
wings defeathered
and long scraped to bone
wear down little more
one further length
of broken beating
that turns to thunder
rolling ever closer
to its source
on this musty day
leached of color and shine
I think of You -
pray that soon
You become the lightning
deception 03Feb93
the light shines down
fluorescent bright
shadows darkest creep
while overhead
you cease to be
lost
within the scene
then all turns sharp
a child's laugh
before the tires squeal
Mary's Gift to the Other 09Feb93
Out of anger
that flames
to burn the cinnamon cross
and singe the whiskers of god
rises the Phoenix
four times the cycle
has turned
and now
from out the coffin's mold
the red bird springs into Being
with love and freedom
for The Other it brings
glass flowers on the sand
cross your heart 24Feb93
You say you love me.
How thrifty you are
with that reward -
a coin you drop on sweaty sheets.
Thanking me in the traditional way.
Assuming I have need
of your silver.
You say you love me,
in a whisper you mean
from the bottom of your heart.
And I...
I pick up your coin,
shove it under the bed -
to tangle cobwebs
and keep companion the faithful widow .
fishing the air 25Feb93
you nod at me
telling me your time has come
signaling I am to move
quickly
before my mouth fills
with clorox brine
as if under water
and I choke.
you push me
wondering why I don't move
and then
when you cannot stop
and I go under
you do not hear
my dead fish gasping
you wonder for days
why I wanted to drown
Chasm 25Feb93
you nod at me to take it back
and ask me to smile
telling you there is not hurt
and I am strong
telling you
it all makes no difference
I do not nod back
accept your nodding forgiveness
I will not add other lies
to that damned pile.
it grows daily, you know
like a horrible tumor
keeping pace with my belly
and that too comes between us
Evolution 25Feb93
This city's made of fossils
rocks and bones
made from stones
of long forgotten beasts
It isn't clean
neat and ordered
like tall soldiers
at Buckingham Palace
No.
It's jumbled. The beasts
were frozen one night
where they lay or stood...
...in doorways yet to exist
and yet to become.
Pattern 25Feb93
I prayed to god
wanting an answer
to the problem of nothing-
I got no answer
the darkness became nothing
and I the god
then I became nothing
and heard god
nothing's echo answered
Eve 04Mar93
I am back to picking at my nails. I find I do that a lot. Looking at yellow/pink skin that frames squares of chitin. Some of the skin - stained inky from exploded pens in mystery purse caverns - is flaking. I think of how Medusa's head must have itched.
I wonder if my fingers were ever kin
to those snakes -
a forked path of descendence
from snake to stubby thumb
from head to hand.
I bite the shaling thumb,
husk it down to red,
ponder the professor's world
of philosophy and paradigms.
He is talking about Eve.
I think about Eve
and snakes
and red things forbidden.
Do you think the apple cried
when devoured by innocence?
Do you think Eve kissed
the snake in joy
for knowledge
for the pain
and the freedom
that came with the blood?
You know, I didn't chew
my fingers until puberty,
when I first met Eve.
Maybe that's why
I attempt to eat myself.
Anyway, if I bite my nails,
look at salmon fingers,
I don't have to look at the professor
as he expounds how Eve fell.
No, I can't think of Eve falling -
maybe down to skin her knee.
Do you think God should have kissed...
futility 430 04Mar93
circles of metaphor
twisted into ellipses
of academic mentality
pressed till turnip dry
pressed to dust
Hemingway and the 6th grader 12Mar93
i wonder
if Hemingway's thoughts
just before he blew his head off
were any different
than my brother's
6th grade friend
who did the same
do you think
they thought of
sunrises
locusts
and oak trees
or were their thoughts
of shadowed things?
were they thinking
at all
or was it only emotion
that sense of
hopelessness
when there is just
further degrees of descent
and darkness?
did they feel
soul-cancer
a gangrene of sorts
that eats talent
a dream-cancer
turning lizards to dragons
and angels to demons?
what were they thinking
when they
touched their faces
to the barrel
when their finger
touched
the hook-like trigger
and latched on
like a starving fish?
#4 22Mar93
The sticks click and clack
like the voodoo man's bag,
and I can't think of that.
Its skin has become
a peach fruit leather
and doesn't help the noise.
It waits in my closet
in three burlap bags
marked:
lamb's wool
dyed black.
Music III 23Mar93
Fermata starts the glide
and the band draws a shaky breath
gasping like a fish
drowning on air
drowning on life
that rises with the new moon
to crush and to smother
love 23Mar93
it's just like flippin' a bugger
in a room full of people
you never know where it's gonna land
and
you don't stick around to find out
Omens 23Mar93
I. stew
shoulder bone
hip bone
ankle bone
snake bone
carried within
a hemp covered skull
II. rhythm
red touch black
venom lack
red touch yellow
kill a fellow
III. styx and stones
sticks and stones
knuckle bones
shoulder bones
old enamel and shards
he throws the bones
to predict
to curse
to read the runes
of red turned brown
and red touching black
blood on ivory
of the babe
Sittin' 24Mar93
Balsac Prozac Gibberish.
Means nothing to me.
Don't care what they are.
Don't want to know.
Jist gonna sit here
see the light touch the grass
and the hoppers.
g
r
a
double s
hippty-hop
never stop
till you reach the top
e
r
Gonna sit here
Jist sit 'n think 'n smoke my pipe.
Oil and Water 24Mar93
oil and water
don't mix
but kiss lightly
they flirt
and circle each other
passionate
perhaps
but always hopeful
maybe
just maybe
bullets 24Mar93
Bullets and blows and salt sprayed wind
paint the meadows red.
They color the columbines
and roses appear -
swirls upon the grass,
eddies and tides and tiny creeks
disperse scarlet
to sunlight.
Inheritance 24Mar93
i am my mother's daughter
brown hair and blue eyes
average build big feet
average all over
except the feet
i am my mother's daughter
money doesn't matter
do as makes you happy
fly whenever you can
don't grow up
above all
never
grow up
Lilith 25Mar93
They called Lilith a renegade,
an ungrateful wench.
And Adam hated her
and god punished her
because, after all,
she didn't play
to little boy whims.
They threw temper tantrums
and sold her to the demons.
She liked them better.
They, at least,
had all their teeth.
Sex... 25Mar93
brutal
animal joining
of bump and grind
thrust
and rejection
a primitive
bone dance
of gasp and scream
against convulsion
Romance... 25Mar93
an apple
fresh plucked
knowledge
of crunch
splash of sweet water
licking the lips
smile
PC 25Mar93
Have you ever wondered
if god's a skanky old man -
looking sorta like
uhm, well, George Burns?
Smoking a soul - Cuban of course.
No.
God wouldn't do
something
that causes cancer
in his laboratory rats.
And he wouldn't
be smokin' only Cubans.
I mean,
my god!
That would be
politically incorrect.
children 26Mar93
I wanted nothing more
than to join oil and water
red water, white oil
and that's not so great a thing.
After all, Eve got the skin.
It was red.
Adam got the flesh.
It was white.
wrong 28Mar93
his eyes widen
blue on red
bulging
and mad
his hands
are angry
tearing
passion guised
he is
intrusion
with broken-ness
fault is assumed
piles of limbs 29Mar93
piles of limbs
tossed any which way
after the burst has passed
and we have time
to clean up the stretch
we scurry to pick up
as the wind blows
the leavings
ruffling red and rust
mixed with green
and scattered white
Dawn 13Apr93
i broke up with YOU today
I broke up with You today
Oh, yes
I BROKE UP
with you today
and my room still smells
of stale incomplete
sex
I'm just now spraying Lysol.
Daddy 15Apr93
you hook your finger
stick it up me
then spin it several times
when the hungry fish bites
you tremble.
Daddy II 17Apr93
you smile at me
crook your finger
and slide it down my cheek
you breathe softly
than turn off the light
midnight 22Apr93
i wake feeling vaguely...
unsettled
and reach for my lover
to sex the feeling away
but my hand stops
midair
when i see moonlight
pooled about his throat
like silver blood
or maiden tears
i hear the sound
of the buildings
moaning
as the wind caresses them
i am paralyzed
with their excitement
and lie there
waiting
(No Title 27Apr93)
I felt your heartbeat
through your body
and mine
as if I were pregnant
of you and of
myself
The moment stretched
upon your panting breath
grass 28Apr93
i.
I'm sittin' outside, in the grass. The sun's hot, and I'm thirsty. I find myself wantin' to pick a single blade, put it between my teeth and chew.
I know it's not because I
didn't eat lunch
(I did)
and I know it's not 'cause
I've got a yen
for green things
(I don't)
ii.
gramps
picked a blade
dandled the wheat end
out of his mouth
and told
me stories
of the hills
I aped him
as I sat by his side
and we both waited for sunset
and the Whippoorwill's call.
I can taste that green taste
acrid and
(I used to fancy)
ant-made
I thought it was ambrosia
that the ant-queen
left -
just enough,
mind you,
for gramps and me
Continuance 05May93
end in end
i feel you
your heartbeat
flows thru' the bond
of you in me
beating the drums
of the fertilization chant
the shadows weave
as your blood
seeds the earth
Mountain Smoke 14May93
the mountains
smoke
their breath wreaths
about my head
in circles
of grey desire
and ash piles
about my feet...
...Ash that joins
falling tears
giving lie
to all you've said
Countess Elizabeth Bathory 15Jun93
Do you remember me
the one you took
I am the one you stole
who is buried in you garden
why do your roses bloom so red
at night
I hear the wind
carry the rent of souls
what is it that you are
when you tend your roses
are your hands red
do you know...
do you remember me
I am the one you took
I am the one you chained
long ago
why is your maid pale and scarred
and you strong as razor wire
or iron chain
in your cellar there are manacles
they hold my skin still
mixed to crusted blood and rust
do you remember me
I am the one you left
the one you forgot to kill
Too bad, that
It was a fatal slip
Life and Lines 17Jun93
lift to touch the sky
rise to seek the stars
hidden in its eye
find the hidden spring
held within the door
twist, turn, and crash
fall to hit the floor
Prometheus 19Jun93
Tears forging chains
bind me to this earth
fetter my wings
steal the wind
no more do I know
freedom of elsewhere
joy of elsewhen
I am bound
You did this to me
unaware
I forgive you
and hold out
my hands
to catch another tear
daisies growing out of death 27Jun93
1918
that was the year of the Flu
the year of the cold harvest
It started in November
for October was unseasonably warm
and though the caterpillars were bristling
with thick colored coats
and the old women were calling down storm and dark
we knew it would be warm on the morrow
October was hot
as if Autumn had forgotten us
and we ignored winter signs
But November came in furious
with a snap that happened mid-day
while our children were at school
and grey shrouded skies
threatening storm
The temperature dropped
and the air turned sharp
and we saw fear on our breath
Our children were dressed
for warm October
but November 5th was cold.
Most of the young'uns
in school that day
got the sniffles
For a few,
the sniffles turned to a cold
We thought it was done
But the clouds built higher
while the children with colds
ran fevers that turned to flux
and started to die
We knew then
as the storm broke the sky
down upon us
It was the Flu
It touched every house
with a coarse hand.
Lighting on the old
and the young first
They took to bed
and left it only once more
The mothers who nursed their young
watched their children die at their breasts
and then died themselves
The daughters who cared for their siblings
watched brother and sister die
before the Flu touched them too
The husbands dug their own grave
while they dug the graves for their families
And they died
When it was over
the ones that were left
buried bodies
under that grey-spun sky
And no one wept
We saved our tears for the living
that they might live one hour more
and perhaps one hour after that
for the living were worn down
and while November was harsh
December would be worse
That storm broke
taking with it the Flu
and a full half of our kin
wrapped in its shroud
But the next took its due
and the one after that
When spring finally came
one in three still lived
to hear the first babies cry
Camping 03Jul93
the falling rain
merges
with the sounds
of your breath
I lie beside you
shoulder to shoulder
legs intertwined
and ponder
the philosophy
of your heartbeat
Shadowspawn 23Jul93
The music twists in the background
in time with her serpentine tears
The sun is going down
and the time of shadows draws near
The walls of the room fade to grey
grow fainter with each passing minute
She begins to smile
and croon to the serpents around her feet
Precious oh, my precious ones
the shadows grow and beckon
we hunt
my precious ones we hunt
The litany swells upon a drum beat
Upon a wave of bitterest shadow
she leads her troops
into the music bound streets
the perfect victim 23Jul93
You bound me hand to foot and made me be still the perfect victim You took away all defense I had and painted a target on my brow At my tears of helpless anger you were surprised You never understood that what you did to me was worse than all else done
Memory 21Aug93
Tonight you walk among us
a shiver upon your hand
You stalk through our dreams
trailing ashes of bone
There is no god to guard us
no sky to blanket us
and keep us safe and warm
No hope to shield us
We turn in our sleep
awake to our own screams
twisted in sweat-soaked sheets
When we turn on the lights
we find that light only
makes your shadows darker
REVISION
Shadowspawn 21Aug93
Tonight you walk among them
You stalk through their dreams
trailing ashes of bone
There is no god to guard them
no sky to blanket them
keeping them safe and warm
They turn in their sleep and
wake to their screams
twisted in sweat-soaked sheets
When they turn on the lights
They find the luminescence
makes your shadows darker
madness 08Sept93
The night is covered with rain
down my windows
within my ears
The sky reads clouds by lightning strike
and Cassandra's Words
appear in blood covered thunder
I know this time
It is mine and yours
I know this night
Death rides up to my door
and I welcome him
I take him to my breast
He nurses like a teething child
Chaos comes to the hearth
and I welcome him.
The foyer leads to my bedroom
As the thunder drips down my windows
he climbs on top of me
Our sex is violent and real
It is the only real thing
in this world of atomic destruction
A vortex of murder spills out of him
it takes seed within my womb
to spawn the next generation
And nothing is sacred anymore
Not even the rutting that occurs
between bed sheets
Nothing is pure
And nothing
nothing is ever real
Leather Remains 08Sept93
They stepped into the sphere
to descend to the Atlantis of our past -
silently.
Around their capsule whales sang
of a history
long forgotten out of mind.
They each thought their own private ghosts
and wondered...
What was left?
When they arrived in the blue limbo-
stasis chamber of yesterday,
all they found were shoes.
Everywhere.
Matched pairs of shoes
pointing towards eternity.
midnight 11Sept93
Once again the night has darkened
as clouds turn back upon themselves
and cover the faded moon
tropical dreams 18Nov93
I dreamed last night
In that dazed-time between waking
and slumber
I saw an island of white sand
sterile in the cold darkness
There was nothing alive
no ferns or grasses
no creatures
nothing
The sea surrounding
was dark and flat
It did not glisten in the moonlight
It did not move
* * *
Today is my birthday
and I know the isle is barren
For ages upon ages
it has been deprived of sun
* * *
Soon the darkness
will wear away the sand
and it will be as if
no island ever existed
in the black corrupted sea
I think I will greet
the sunrise
They say it will burn
I think it will simply
feel of new growth
For my present
I will give myself light
I have not seen the dawn
for ten thousand years
Grandparents 23Dec93
They wait there
in the arm chairs
that have had
years practice holding
weakening, softening bodies
They have been waiting for years
and may have years yet before them
I do not think that
they see any difference
between a day or a decade
The pain has defined their days
time out of mind
they no longer know what it was
to not feel pain
she no longer knows
what it was to walk
to be free
He no longer knows the wind
or the smell of grass
long has he stayed by her side
waiting with her
so she won’t be alone
so he won’t be alone
-----
I can see them there
in the chairs shaped to their bodies
yellow light turning sagging faces to wax
they do not move for a moment
do not seem to breathe
in the hot stale air
Grandpa starts suddenly
anxious from a dream
a dream that is not ever remembered
He looks to grandma
wanting reassurance he is not alone
wanting to give her his strength
wanting something beyond
beyond strength
beyond reassurance
He reaches out hesitantly
to lay his hand on her cheek
touching, loving, testing
She opens her eyes unfocused
“Manley”
Blindness has made it a question
She reaches up to catch his hand
not knowing exactly where she is
afraid but patient
She knows the time
as does he
that has slowly become their world
minutes that magically
turn to hours or years
time that they watch
seeing or blind
as it goes along without them
waiting ever waiting for an end
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