Blessings and Challenges

Chaotic week -

Son had strep, missed going down to mission trip on Sunday, so went to doctor monday and got abx,
Sunday son had a mood episode that was pretty bad, got in touch with the docs and he started on Zyprexa monday morning, which really, really helped.

my dad took him down to NC (7 hour round trip drive) on Tuesday,

Tuesday I stayed home to help Mom with the kids she was watching cause she needed help and dad was taking my son down to the mission trip,

Wednesday had a full day cause I moved Tuesday clients into Wednesday,
After internship had online supervision, so the day went from 7 AM to 8:30 PM

Thursday had an easy day cause 4 clients out of 6 cancelled,
but Thursday afternoon when coming home early from internship, got message from son saying he needed to come home - was having mood and asthma problems,
So, I went down to NC with dad (he drove) - 7 hour round trip. By hour 2 had an allergy reaction migraine to the car exhaust fumes. By end of trip had severe migraine and was having breathing trouble. Came to the realization I am capped at 2 hour trips if the interstate is involved. Allergies to car exhaust fumes (prob the corn allergies) create serious problems.
Got home at 11:00. In bed by 12:30.
Homework which was due on Thursday obviously did not get done.

Friday had a long day. saw 8 clients cause one cancelled (squeezed the Tuesday people into Friday also).
Came home at 5:00. air conditioner out. So, fans and open windows (triggering a bit more asthma)
Laid down at 8:00 and was asleep.
11:00 Son comes wakes me up, once more in severe depression.
We talk about it, he takes his Zyprexa (which I REALLY think needs to be adjusted up). Finally he falls asleep. I was watching Mimic.

Dog cannot decide who to sleep beside, so he lays over my son and then starts licking me.
I am pretty sure he was eating something dead yesterday cause he REALLY needs his teeth brushed.

Still horribly hot. So I get up at 2:00 AM and turn on the ceiling fan in the hall. Air out the rooms a bit. Do a nebulizer treatment.

Doze until 11:00 AM. Hands are swollen and numb/pins & needles from not having my full bed to arrange my body while sleeping. Other joints showing signs of swelling and have pain. From allergen exposure (car trip), my skin is feels like sun-burnt and is itchy all over.

Son's throat is worse and he had to do a nebulizer treatment during the night. Will have to take him to the doctor on Monday.

Asked dad to loan me the money today to get another AC. Will have funds to pay for it in about 10 days - but cannot breathe very well in the hot room. He is going out to get an AC for me and to put it in - should be good in a couple hours.

So - chaotic week. I am sore physically, tired physically, emotionally coming to the end of my rope, and have a migraine now that is mid-level (and going to last another 24-48 hours)...

BUT - BLESSINGS:
My son is on medication that is helping (the first one in over a decade!!)
My son was willing to let me help him through his depressive episodes..
My family was able to help with all the chaos this week and everyone got or is getting what they had to have.
I have family who can help me afford what I have to have... and is willing to do so and to let me pay them back when I can.
And - my dog is going to get a bath and teeth brushed today if I do NOTHING else!

Struggles:
I am really struggling with knowing that I am limited in how far I can travel. I have LOVED taking road trips. But, it is becoming very obvious that I can only go so far before I develop an allergy migraine (and pushing that goes to one that is blinding) and have asthmatic reactions to all the fumes. This is really bothering me and is a struggle for me to accept.


Further Thoughts:
But, you know things really do work out. Those clients who cancelled on Thursday - let me go after my son at 3:30 PM instead of having to leave after 6:00.

The client who cancelled on Friday let me take care of another client who was in crisis.

The family member who works in mental health knew about Zyprexa, which may be my son's "wonder drug".

The AC did not die (it has been on its last legs for this whole summer so far) until right before I had the funds to replace it, so I felt comfortable asking for the loan from my dad to replace it.

All told, it could have been much worse, and it was not even all bad.  There are blessings even in the midst of trial and challenge.

My hope is that I have the courage to look for the blessings no matter how intense the challenges.

Zucchini bread tip!

ZUCCHINI BREAD SHORTCUT

Information learned yesterday -

Instead of grating zucchini for zucchini bread, cut it into chunks and puree the stuff.  Then add in oil (use that to puree it if needed), sugar, eggs, and hit blend again.  Dump into the dry stuff.  Stir a couple times and pour into the pan.  EASY and NO STRESS ON THE HANDS/WRISTS!  YAY!!!

Zucchini bread - gluten free, corn-free

Original recipe from The Practical Produce Cookbook, which I think is the BEST cookbook for veggies out there!

Modified to fit my diet of no grain, no corn, no other allergens.

Wet Stuff:
3 eggs
1 1/2 cup sugar OR 1 cup honey (if using honey add an extra 1/2 to 1 cup flour mix)
1 tablespoon vanilla OR 1 vanilla bean blended to mush
1 cup Safflower oil
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon all spice

Veggie:
4 1/2 cups grated, unpeeled zucchini

Dry Stuff:
4 cups flour*
1 tablespoon baking powder (I use the Hain Baking Powder with potato starch)
1 teaspoon baking soda



* Flour = 50% besan (chickpea) flour, 25% sweet potato flour, 25% tapioca starch

Mix the dry stuff.  Mix the wet stuff until creamed together and completely mixed.  Add the zucchini and mix well.  Pour the wet stuff into the dry stuff and mix GENTLY with a spoon until combined.

Pour mixture into a GREASED cake pan.  Bake at 350 for 1 hour and 20 minutes.  Done when cooked through in the center.

Letting Go

I truly believe that things happen for a reason. People come into your life to teach you lessons you need to learn. For me, letting go has always been a hard, hard thing. 

Today I let go of something important to me. But, as the hours go by, I am finding that what holding and being involved brought into my life is still here - friends I am blessed to have met and to continue to have. Knowledge I have gained and will continue to use throughout life.

And I am finding that I feel lighter - so holding was also a source of stress as well as of blessing. Letting go and feeling lighter means I was feeling stress I did not know. And, so this letting go has taught me to recognize that it is ok to come to the end of myself, and healthy to know when to step away. 

I am at peace. :)



I look forward to the lessons yet to be learned.

how to make mashed potatoes for when your hands are numb or achy:

Dump a bag of taters into the sink.  run cool (or slightly warm) water into the sink.  Soak the taters for a couple of minutes (this is a good time to drink a cup of hot tea or coffee).  Put two socks over your hands, rub the taters a little to get rid of dirt.  Drain the water.  Let the taters sit a minute or two to dry some.

Put a big cookie sheet into the oven shelf.  put the taters on the cookie sheet - big taters on the edge, little taters on the inside.  Bake at 400 for an hour or so.

When taters are soft to a push, turn off the oven.  Take the taters out (if you need to not pick up the sheet, just take them out one at a time).  Put on a towel and roll them a little with another towel on top.  Slice the taters and squeeze the insides out into a large bowl (If you cannot squeeze them, put them in a bowl, use another bowl and squish them.  Then, use a big spoon to separate the potato from the skin.  Save the skins (more about that later).

With a stand mixer, start mixing the taters on low.  Add butter (chunk up the stick if you are using real butter).  Add water (hot) so things start to smooth down.  Add some milk, sour cream, and/or some cheese.  keep mixing until at a consistency you like.  Add salt to taste.

Now - those skins - On the cookie sheet you baked the taters, layer out the skins.  Sprinkle with spices of your choice and then sprinkle on shredded cheese.  Put them back into the oven at 450 until crispy looking.

So, now you have mashed potatoes (without having to peel, cut, boil, drain, etc.).  You have potato skins.  And, there are very few dishes to do.  YAY!

Loving Yourself

What do you do when people say "love yourself"? What do you do when your emotions are not the same as those you see reflected in the faces of others? What if you are unsure of "love"?

When people say love yourself, it can mean anything from let go of the negative thoughts to buy yourself an extra outfit. Usually it is implying some sort of attitude.

But, if you are feeling numb, or if your feelings are not in line with the typical feelings experienced or valued by the society in which you live, trying to do something by feeling is difficult unto impossible.

Perhaps, instead of focusing on the feeling (this being said by someone who is a bit out of step with how the rest of the world seems to "feel") it might be easier to focus on the steps of wellness. 

Instead - try to make sure your body is fed in a way that nourishes it and follows its schedule (for example, I prefer not to eat breakfast in the morning, but to have a snack a couple hours after I wake up).

Try to make sure you rest your body often - in sleep and in moments of quiet where instead of doing you simply focus on being. Exercise to whatever degree you can.

Spend time feeding your mind. In whatever fashion fits the needs of your mind.

Feed your soul by taking in things of beauty - whether music, art, nature, people... whatever brings you solace and quiet. A source of strength that fills you. Religion works for some, but does not help others.

Look up the different domains of wellness (I like this model:  http://wellness-research.org/wellness/images/smallBlueIS-WEL_model.jpg)- and determine what items might feed you in each domain. Then - feelings aside, do those things. 

The feelings may never be there, or may never be like the ones you see in the posts and faces of people on facebook, the images on various media, or the feelings found in stories of friends. However, the care taken in growing your own self and your own body/soul/mind - that is what "loving" yourself is. It is nurturing yourself in all the ways you need.