Sometimes the clients want to know WHY they have been in abusive relationships or why they found their lives bound by addiction. They want to know what is broken and wrong with them that these damaging influences are in their lives. They want to know why they are so weak.
This is often why the first out of session task is to complete a family tree with additions for substance use/misuse, alcohol use/misuse, mental health issues, relationship information, and anything else important to that client. Several clients recently have been in tears looking at family histories of addiction, abuse, and broken relationships. Knowing the stories is different from seeing the chains of those stories connecting generation to generation.
When looking at the multi-generational history of abuse or addiction, the question really is HOW could they have avoided this! Predisposition is genetically inherited for addiction and for many mental health illnesses. Behavior patterns are taught from the baby's first breath throughout his or her life.
The statement following the question of HOW is this: And what do you think of the strength you have which you are using to break this pattern?
I ask: Have you looked at how very much work you are doing to NOT CONTINUE this cycle?
When the shaky smile appears, I say softly, You have so much to be proud about.
And then for a while there is silence as awareness seeps through being.
Then the client squares his or her shoulders, seems just a bit taller... and the journey begins....
Today my thought is this - how many times do we look at one small part of the picture and berate ourselves for weakness when looking at the larger picture shows our strength shining through?
Laura
Great post and insight, as always!
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