Stress is neutral - from previously published note on facebook

stress is neutral - Eustress or distress - it is up to you

by Laura A Collins (Notes) on Wednesday, March 13, 2013 at 11:07am

PublicFriendsFriends except AcquaintancesOnly MeCustomClose FriendsFarmvilleSee all lists...Not FarmvilleCapella UniversityAgnes Scott CollegeWeigh Station PeopleChristiansburg HighVirginia TechMurphy HighChristiansburg, Virginia AreaFamilyWeigh StationCapellaBabysittinggame friendsGamesFamilyFriendsCHSInsurancePUMCBrian Friendsfriends of familyassociatesWomen's ConnectionSoccer FamiliesAgnes ScottunknownMurphyLaura and Brian FriendsPTAVA TechChurchVirginia TechAcquaintancesGo Back

Perception:  Stress is neutral.  It is how we perceive the stressor that is positive or negative.  For example:  If I go hiking and I see a snake that is black and has a red ring around its neck, I will be happy and excited (non-poisonous snake, I might be able to touch or hold it, snakes are neat).  If my friend goes hiking and sees the same snake, she will be terrified (serious phobia of snakes).  However, the snake is still itself.  It is the same snake.  The only difference is how each of us perceives the snake.  

It is that way with chronic illness or any other part of life.  We have the choice each day of looking at it as an opportunity (eustress) or as a obstacle (distress).  

Today, I have papers to write.  I am a bit foggy and I ache all over.  But, instead of feeling like I "can't" do it, I am instead going to break it into little bits with lots of self-care interspersed.  I am going to focus on what I CAN do.  And I am going to plan around my challenges.  

Not all days are ones where I can be positive.  I have days of fuss and distress and tears.  But, negative or positive - my existence on those days is the same.  Accepting the negative does not change physical reality.  

So, today - I will do what I can, and it will be enough.

Serendipity

Sometimes things happen in your life (or at least they do in my life) that have no meaning at the time.  In fact, they are hassles - taking energy and providing nothing of value.  

Or so it seems.

Then, some time in the future - perhaps even years away from those "hassles" - the skills learned, the resiliency developed, the knowledge you wanted in the first place - those things become a source of comfort, strength, or wisdom.  Often, those things become the tools with which you find the ability to help others.

Today, I have considered all the ways, big and small, events and experiences from my past have resonated through my life to provide resources I never knew I had.  Today, I considered how trauma in my past provided wisdom to help another.  Today, I heart-felt the difference between "being broken" and "being tempered".

Laura

Strength versus weakness

Sometimes the clients want to know WHY they have been in abusive relationships or why they found their lives bound by addiction.  They want to know what is broken and wrong with them that these damaging influences are in their lives.  They want to know why they are so weak.

This is often why the first out of session task is to complete a family tree with additions for substance use/misuse, alcohol use/misuse, mental health issues, relationship information, and anything else important to that client.  Several clients recently have been in tears looking at family histories of addiction, abuse, and broken relationships.  Knowing the stories is different from seeing the chains of those stories connecting generation to generation.

When looking at the multi-generational history of abuse or addiction, the question really is HOW could they have avoided this!  Predisposition is genetically inherited for addiction and for many mental health illnesses.  Behavior patterns are taught from the baby's first breath throughout his or her life.

The statement following the question of HOW is this:  And what do you think of the strength you have which you are using to break this pattern?

I ask:  Have you looked at how very much work you are doing to NOT CONTINUE this cycle?

When the shaky smile appears, I say softly, You have so much to be proud about.

And then for a while there is silence as awareness seeps through being.

Then the client squares his or her shoulders, seems just a bit taller... and the journey begins....


Today my thought is this - how many times do we look at one small part of the picture and berate ourselves for weakness when looking at the larger picture shows our strength shining through?

Laura

When the Bear gets you!

Some days you get the bear, and some days the bear gets you!

Today I feel like I have been gotten – used to scrub the woodland floor and then dunked in the creek.  It has been a long day.

So I think about what it is within us that we draw on when we are dragging…  How we get ourselves (and sometimes our family and friends) through.

Today, my strength came from laughing and from routine.  

Laughing – I was so fuzzy and tired this morning I reached for my toothpowder (do not use toothpaste because of allergies, have toothpowder of salt, soda, and herbs – tastes nasty, but does the job) and grabbed the bottle of water conditioner for my fish tank.  Put that on my toothbrush instead of toothpowder.  Thankfully, I realized my mistake before I put the stuff in my mouth!  The humor of the mix-up (and the irony that the water conditioner might just taste better than the tooth powder) have provided laughter power for getting through the day.

The other source of strength was the routine.  I get up.  I check email and facebook.  And then, I do my work.  Today’s work – already scheduled – was counseling 3 clients, calling tomorrow’s clients to confirm, taking my son to his appointment, and in 45 minutes – online supervision.  There is less energy, I think, in making it through, than there is in creating a whole new day out of 24 hours of unscheduled time.  Today required me to show up and to be able to listen.  I took lots of notes, responded, and counseled.  It was quiet and linear.  I was tired, but I was present.  And that was enough.

So, now I think about the day and about how it is we find the strength to carry on – no matter what the bear has been doing….

Laura