Self-Care. Self-Love. And a journey to lose weight

A Facebook conversation I had with a friend:

Self-love/Self-care 101 from a dear friend, Laura A Rowsey-Collins
*The shape of you is nothing to be ashamed of. If you wish to lose weight for the health of you that is certainly a good thing. But your value has nothing to do with a scale number or an appearance. your value has to do with who you are your value also has to do how you exist in the world and what you put into the world. So doing the things to improve your health that you know will improve your health that is self-care. Knowing you have value regardless of appearance or scale number or any other external metric that is self-love. Perhaps the transparency is that you are learning to love yourself no matter what shape your body has

* And perhaps part of self-love is knowing that you were doing the things you need to do to improve the health and the comfort of your body

> MY FRIEND:  'My greatest 'self-care' acheivement of the weekend was NOT BINGEING in order to bear my negative emotions over this picture!'

*That is indeed a self-caring achievement.

*You might want to think of negative emotions as "indicators" that what you are reacting to violates in some way your idea for what should be or what your goals are. For instance, regarding dismay over pictures, perhaps that is an indicator that you are not yet where you want to be. So, it is an indicator you are still on your journey to better health.

Or, it can be an indicator that your mental picture of self does not match paper image of self - and so there needs to be work on revising either the way to see your mental self or the way you perceive the paper version.

Distress is not a reason to lapse or wallow. (even though sometimes a good wallow is helpful)... It is instead an indicator that there is misalignment between a fact and a thought.

When distress is a tool that you can use to focus your attention, it stops being a trigger for self-destructive behavior. Instead, it becomes something useful and purposeful.

Choices.

Regarding Excuses for not exercising:  I don't have enough time.

"What you are really saying is that you're not willing to make time.  You aren't assigning enough importance to the increased fitness, well-being, and improved control over anxiety you could gain from exercise.  The problem is not a matter of time but one of priorities."  p. 115, The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook, 5th Ed., Edmund J. Bourne.

Regarding ANY health habit:  I don't feel like it.  I forgot.  I am not having fun.

Well - no one ever promised you would only have to do the fun stuff.  As a child, I was not fond of brushing my teeth, going to church, or having to clean my room.  However, not taking care of body, soul, and environment was NEVER a choice.  Now, I am overweight (to call it like it is - obese in medical terms, fat in societal terms).  I can lose weight or I can die early.  I can understand how important balance is to my soul and grow, or I can neglect this consideration and continue to tell myself negative things.  I can walk a bit, consume less, and help out the environment, or I can continue to be a drain on more resources than is my share.

The truth is we do what we tell ourselves we deserve.  We do what we value.

The question is - what am I going to do today.  With this moment.  With this choice...

Comments on my personal FB page to this post - names and links removed to protect privacy.  It seems I did not explain myself well at all.

• its not always that easy tho.x

  
  
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  Laura A Collins nope. I am really struggling with weight. However, it is a mindset - the results may not follow in the way I want, but the actions are certainly under my control.

  
  
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  Laura A Collins I will never be skinny. But, I can be healthier. And, to do that, I can do tiny steps each day to improve health. And I can value doing those steps.

  
  
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  Some may not consider fear usually as an excuse. That was my excuse until recently. Great post Laura and exercise does help with anxiety and several other issues. Make priorities in the proper manner for overall health!!

  
  

  
  

  
  
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  Laura A Collins Thanks. And important to note - the results ARE NOT under control. Just the decisions to do the actions that each person is individually capable of.

  
  
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   my fatigue and back pain stop me exercising

  
  

  
  
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  Laura A Collins For me, nerve damage in my back stops me from many types of exercise - but there are still many types I can do. Right now I am managing about 15 minutes in a day of stretches. Next week, I will add one more minute to the 15 and do 16 minutes. With Fibro, taking it in tiny, tiny stages means I can achieve that stage. But it is not just exercise. Health is multiple dimensions interacting with each other. So, making better choices when I eat. Taking time out for meditation. Planning down time so that I do not burn out from counseling clients during internship. I may not be out running marathons - but then that is not the goal. For me it is what tiny improvement can I make today

  
  
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   it idnt easy. with my health problems- i have to start over and over and over again. but i keep at it and some day i will win. never loose hope and never beat up yourself.

  
  

  
  
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  not easy but still do it

  
  

  
  
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  Laura A Collins yep. make the choice and go forward without regret or guilt.

  
  
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  yup

  
  

  
  
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  Sounds like things are going well for you Laura A Collins . You are determined and focused! We are all different. What works for you may work for others but not for the rest of us. That doesn't mean that we are failures we just need to find what works for us. I never want to tell someone they just need to "suck it up" and everything will be ok as it simply isn't true. If we could we would. I'm sure you will agree with that. We all have our different sets of pain and energy to deal with daily.

  
  

  
  
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  Laura A Collins certainly not to suck it up. That is too close to the "no pain, no gain" damaging nonsense people used to spout. We each have different goals, different values, different capabilities. Instead of trying to match something that is not real and honest for our own lives, I would instead simply focus on what my goals are and instead of damaging that choice, follow the actions of that choice with pure and simple dedication.
  
  Instead to focus on the things we can each do in our own lives. It is not a comparison to others. Instead, it is simply to decide what we want to do in our own personal lives. There are always who are out there who can do more or can do less than we can. It is more about deciding what is important to you, inside your own skin, and valuing yourself to do that thing. I will never be completely low carb, but I can chose to eat better choices. I will never be able to run a marathon - but I should over the next year or so, gain enough endurance to be able to hike up a bit of an incline. And if not, then I will be able to walk that which is flat but for a bit longer. It is much more about deciding to do what CAN be done, without guilt over what cannot be done, without excuses to avoid.... simple choice and then moving forward.

  
  
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  Laura A Collins And no, things are not so much going well as becoming clearer. It is still a struggle. And I would very much like to slide back into my comfort zone. But, I am choosing to try to do what I see as being healthier for me (albeit NOT physically, mentally, or otherwise overextending and damaging).

  
  
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  Very well said, Laura. Good for you and I hope others will read this and do something for themselves!

  
  

  
  

Thought for the day: Food

Food - October 2012

by Laura A Collins (Notes) on Monday, November 12, 2012 at 3:21pm

PublicFriendsFriends except AcquaintancesOnly MeCustomClose FriendsFarmvilleSee all lists...Not FarmvilleCapella UniversityAgnes Scott CollegeWeigh Station PeopleChristiansburg HighVirginia TechMurphy HighChristiansburg, Virginia AreaFamilyWeigh StationCapellaBabysittinggame friendsGamesFamilyFriendsCHSInsurancePUMCBrian Friendsfriends of familyassociatesWomen's ConnectionSoccer FamiliesAgnes ScottunknownMurphyLaura and Brian FriendsPTAVA TechChurchVirginia TechAcquaintancesGo Back

My thought for the day - if we were more creative (i.e., if we played with our food) in meal preparation so that the food became feast for nose, eyes, and tongue, perhaps there would be less emphasis on amount eaten and more emphasis on enjoyment of healthy and sufficient amounts.  Beauty can be satisfying!"

An Introduction

I have never posted a blog before.  I have friends who post blogs and their continual creativity awes me.  How they find daily postings within themselves confounds me.

I have posted recipes, thoughts, and other work to my facebook page for the last several years.  However, my facebook page is locked and private.  And, as time passes, I find within myself the urge to share my recipes and thoughts…  and so… a blog.

Over the next several days/weeks, I will post the backlog of work from my Facebook page.  And then, as I create new recipes, have a thought here or there, or take photos of spring flowers, I will add to this blog.  I welcome your comments.  You are free to share anything you find here provided you attach my name to it and do not use it for your own financial gain.

Who am I?

That may be important as well – if you are deciding to follow this blog.  

I am an emerging counselor.  That means I am in the last bit of my Master’s of Mental Health Counseling Program.  Right now, I am an intern at the local Free Clinic.  So, much of what I think about is the state of mental health and trying to make sense of how different reality is from the myriad books I have read. 

**HOWEVER, any information posted on this blog is for educational purposes only and is NOT meant for diagnostic or individual counseling purposes.  If you feel you have mental health needs, please consult a qualified mental health professional or go to your local emergency room.

I have multiple allergies/intolerances..  I am allergic/intolerant to wheat, corn, coconut, millet, all grains, bananas, and lots of other things.  Someday I will post about those.  I participate in online support groups for corn-allergies.  I have fibromyalgia, but when I control the allergies, I am able to reduce or eliminate almost all fibromyalgia symptoms.  My theory is that allergies cause underlying inflammation... and it is this inflammation which triggers fibro symptom expression.

I am the single mother of a 16 year old son.  Family relationships and being mom are topics of interest. 

I am overweight.  Weight control and weight loss are topics I return to.  Often, these are tied to the Prochaska model “Stages of Change”.  Between allergies/intolerance, weight, and a lifetime love of food – I create a lot of recipes.  

I have a small (25-30 pound) dog.  Inky is neurotic, but lovable   He is a rescue dog and has taken quite a while (over a year) to recover mostly from his previous home.  He still has lots of anxiety.  His hips have damage and he also has hip dysplasia.  He takes medication daily.  

I have my own mental health issues.  I am OCD.  It took me years to learn to control the OCD.  Now, I am organized, and adapting to change takes me effort, but it possible.  I no longer have lists of lists nor do I obsessively arrange things.  However, I can organize the heck out of any schedule or event.  I have some degree of depression or cyclothymia.  This is controlled with 20 mg daily of Prozac (which lets me sleep), cognitive methods, and practicing of wellness.  We’ll talk about that on occasion as well.  Wellness is extremely important to me.  Wellness allows me to channel my mental health issues into strengths (like organization, accomplishing projects when have the energy boost of low level hypomania, etc.)  I have a holistic view of wellness and like to incorporate multiple domains.

I am a liberal in most political aspects.  That is something that will on occasion be a topic of conversation.  So will religion.

Pretty much – this is a blog where whatever comes to mind will find its way onto the screen.  Hopefully, there will be bits and pieces you enjoy or can use.  And, when something neither appeals to you nor applies to you, you are most welcome to skip that post or comment on your own point of view.  

I hope you are looking forward to this as much as I am.

Laura