Self-Care. Self-Love. And a journey to lose weight

A Facebook conversation I had with a friend:

Self-love/Self-care 101 from a dear friend, Laura A Rowsey-Collins
*The shape of you is nothing to be ashamed of. If you wish to lose weight for the health of you that is certainly a good thing. But your value has nothing to do with a scale number or an appearance. your value has to do with who you are your value also has to do how you exist in the world and what you put into the world. So doing the things to improve your health that you know will improve your health that is self-care. Knowing you have value regardless of appearance or scale number or any other external metric that is self-love. Perhaps the transparency is that you are learning to love yourself no matter what shape your body has

* And perhaps part of self-love is knowing that you were doing the things you need to do to improve the health and the comfort of your body

> MY FRIEND:  'My greatest 'self-care' acheivement of the weekend was NOT BINGEING in order to bear my negative emotions over this picture!'

*That is indeed a self-caring achievement.

*You might want to think of negative emotions as "indicators" that what you are reacting to violates in some way your idea for what should be or what your goals are. For instance, regarding dismay over pictures, perhaps that is an indicator that you are not yet where you want to be. So, it is an indicator you are still on your journey to better health.

Or, it can be an indicator that your mental picture of self does not match paper image of self - and so there needs to be work on revising either the way to see your mental self or the way you perceive the paper version.

Distress is not a reason to lapse or wallow. (even though sometimes a good wallow is helpful)... It is instead an indicator that there is misalignment between a fact and a thought.

When distress is a tool that you can use to focus your attention, it stops being a trigger for self-destructive behavior. Instead, it becomes something useful and purposeful.

Boundaries, Facebook, and Blocking People

Worthy Idea from a person I was talking with the other day about blocking people:

I see Facebook like this. If someone knocks on your door and when you open it then punched you in the face... The next time he or she knocks on your door you probably shouldn't open it. Same with Facebook. There is no reason to keep "friends" who deliberately hurt you.

I thought about what the person said and realized it all comes down to boundaries.

When you respect yourself enough to expect Not to be attacked through verbal or physical means, then when someone violates that boundary it is not only acceptable but necessary to remove that person's access to you and your life.

To do anything less is to voluntarily harm yourself... To agree that you deserve to be attacked.

There is, of course, the option to fight. But in some cases, the fighting has no chance of winning. Sometimes what you might win is worthless or even damaging. Then the most humane choice for all involved is just to walk away with yourself intact.