I truly believe that things happen for a reason. People come into your life to teach you lessons you need to learn. For me, letting go has always been a hard, hard thing.
Today I let go of something important to me. But, as the hours go by, I am finding that what holding and being involved brought into my life is still here - friends I am blessed to have met and to continue to have. Knowledge I have gained and will continue to use throughout life.
And I am finding that I feel lighter - so holding was also a source of stress as well as of blessing. Letting go and feeling lighter means I was feeling stress I did not know. And, so this letting go has taught me to recognize that it is ok to come to the end of myself, and healthy to know when to step away.
I am at peace. :)
I look forward to the lessons yet to be learned.
Showing posts with label philosophy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label philosophy. Show all posts
Saturday, July 6, 2013
Friday, July 5, 2013
Loving Yourself
What do you do when people say "love yourself"? What do you do when your emotions are not the same as those you see reflected in the faces of others? What if you are unsure of "love"?
When people say love yourself, it can mean anything from let go of the negative thoughts to buy yourself an extra outfit. Usually it is implying some sort of attitude.
But, if you are feeling numb, or if your feelings are not in line with the typical feelings experienced or valued by the society in which you live, trying to do something by feeling is difficult unto impossible.
Perhaps, instead of focusing on the feeling (this being said by someone who is a bit out of step with how the rest of the world seems to "feel") it might be easier to focus on the steps of wellness.
But, if you are feeling numb, or if your feelings are not in line with the typical feelings experienced or valued by the society in which you live, trying to do something by feeling is difficult unto impossible.
Perhaps, instead of focusing on the feeling (this being said by someone who is a bit out of step with how the rest of the world seems to "feel") it might be easier to focus on the steps of wellness.
Instead - try to make sure your body is fed in a way that nourishes it and follows its schedule (for example, I prefer not to eat breakfast in the morning, but to have a snack a couple hours after I wake up).
Try to make sure you rest your body often - in sleep and in moments of quiet where instead of doing you simply focus on being. Exercise to whatever degree you can.
Spend time feeding your mind. In whatever fashion fits the needs of your mind.
Feed your soul by taking in things of beauty - whether music, art, nature, people... whatever brings you solace and quiet. A source of strength that fills you. Religion works for some, but does not help others.
Look up the different domains of wellness (I like this model: http://wellness-research.org/wellness/images/smallBlueIS-WEL_model.jpg)- and determine what items might feed you in each domain. Then - feelings aside, do those things.
Try to make sure you rest your body often - in sleep and in moments of quiet where instead of doing you simply focus on being. Exercise to whatever degree you can.
Spend time feeding your mind. In whatever fashion fits the needs of your mind.
Feed your soul by taking in things of beauty - whether music, art, nature, people... whatever brings you solace and quiet. A source of strength that fills you. Religion works for some, but does not help others.
Look up the different domains of wellness (I like this model: http://wellness-research.org/wellness/images/smallBlueIS-WEL_model.jpg)- and determine what items might feed you in each domain. Then - feelings aside, do those things.
The feelings may never be there, or may never be like the ones you see in the posts and faces of people on facebook, the images on various media, or the feelings found in stories of friends. However, the care taken in growing your own self and your own body/soul/mind - that is what "loving" yourself is. It is nurturing yourself in all the ways you need.
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Choices.
Regarding Excuses for not exercising: I don't have enough time.
"What you are really saying is that you're not willing to make time. You aren't assigning enough importance to the increased fitness, well-being, and improved control over anxiety you could gain from exercise. The problem is not a matter of time but one of priorities." p. 115, The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook, 5th Ed., Edmund J. Bourne.
Regarding ANY health habit: I don't feel like it. I forgot. I am not having fun.
Well - no one ever promised you would only have to do the fun stuff. As a child, I was not fond of brushing my teeth, going to church, or having to clean my room. However, not taking care of body, soul, and environment was NEVER a choice. Now, I am overweight (to call it like it is - obese in medical terms, fat in societal terms). I can lose weight or I can die early. I can understand how important balance is to my soul and grow, or I can neglect this consideration and continue to tell myself negative things. I can walk a bit, consume less, and help out the environment, or I can continue to be a drain on more resources than is my share.
The truth is we do what we tell ourselves we deserve. We do what we value.
The question is - what am I going to do today. With this moment. With this choice...
Comments on my personal FB page to this post - names and links removed to protect privacy. It seems I did not explain myself well at all.
"What you are really saying is that you're not willing to make time. You aren't assigning enough importance to the increased fitness, well-being, and improved control over anxiety you could gain from exercise. The problem is not a matter of time but one of priorities." p. 115, The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook, 5th Ed., Edmund J. Bourne.
Regarding ANY health habit: I don't feel like it. I forgot. I am not having fun.
Well - no one ever promised you would only have to do the fun stuff. As a child, I was not fond of brushing my teeth, going to church, or having to clean my room. However, not taking care of body, soul, and environment was NEVER a choice. Now, I am overweight (to call it like it is - obese in medical terms, fat in societal terms). I can lose weight or I can die early. I can understand how important balance is to my soul and grow, or I can neglect this consideration and continue to tell myself negative things. I can walk a bit, consume less, and help out the environment, or I can continue to be a drain on more resources than is my share.
The truth is we do what we tell ourselves we deserve. We do what we value.
The question is - what am I going to do today. With this moment. With this choice...
Comments on my personal FB page to this post - names and links removed to protect privacy. It seems I did not explain myself well at all.
- its not always that easy tho.x
- Laura A Collins nope. I am really struggling with weight. However, it is a mindset - the results may not follow in the way I want, but the actions are certainly under my control.
- Laura A Collins I will never be skinny. But, I can be healthier. And, to do that, I can do tiny steps each day to improve health. And I can value doing those steps.
- Some may not consider fear usually as an excuse. That was my excuse until recently. Great post Laura and exercise does help with anxiety and several other issues. Make priorities in the proper manner for overall health!!
- Laura A Collins Thanks. And important to note - the results ARE NOT under control. Just the decisions to do the actions that each person is individually capable of.
- Laura A Collins For me, nerve damage in my back stops me from many types of exercise - but there are still many types I can do. Right now I am managing about 15 minutes in a day of stretches. Next week, I will add one more minute to the 15 and do 16 minutes. With Fibro, taking it in tiny, tiny stages means I can achieve that stage. But it is not just exercise. Health is multiple dimensions interacting with each other. So, making better choices when I eat. Taking time out for meditation. Planning down time so that I do not burn out from counseling clients during internship. I may not be out running marathons - but then that is not the goal. For me it is what tiny improvement can I make today
- Sounds like things are going well for you Laura A Collins . You are determined and focused! We are all different. What works for you may work for others but not for the rest of us. That doesn't mean that we are failures we just need to find what works for us. I never want to tell someone they just need to "suck it up" and everything will be ok as it simply isn't true. If we could we would. I'm sure you will agree with that. We all have our different sets of pain and energy to deal with daily.
- Laura A Collins certainly not to suck it up. That is too close to the "no pain, no gain" damaging nonsense people used to spout. We each have different goals, different values, different capabilities. Instead of trying to match something that is not real and honest for our own lives, I would instead simply focus on what my goals are and instead of damaging that choice, follow the actions of that choice with pure and simple dedication.
Instead to focus on the things we can each do in our own lives. It is not a comparison to others. Instead, it is simply to decide what we want to do in our own personal lives. There are always who are out there who can do more or can do less than we can. It is more about deciding what is important to you, inside your own skin, and valuing yourself to do that thing. I will never be completely low carb, but I can chose to eat better choices. I will never be able to run a marathon - but I should over the next year or so, gain enough endurance to be able to hike up a bit of an incline. And if not, then I will be able to walk that which is flat but for a bit longer. It is much more about deciding to do what CAN be done, without guilt over what cannot be done, without excuses to avoid.... simple choice and then moving forward. - Laura A Collins And no, things are not so much going well as becoming clearer. It is still a struggle. And I would very much like to slide back into my comfort zone. But, I am choosing to try to do what I see as being healthier for me (albeit NOT physically, mentally, or otherwise overextending and damaging).
- Very well said, Laura. Good for you and I hope others will read this and do something for themselves!
Monday, June 17, 2013
A Question - What do you think? Please post comments and responses. Thanks!!!
Question - asked to me by someone:
How can you feel connected to the world when other people talk about "hurting" or about "not being able to do what they used to" and you are looking at them do things YOU can only dream about doing? For example, a couple talks about it being harder on them to do their garden. You watch them carry a bucket from one side of the large garden to the other. And, you are thinking - I could not even WALK across the garden...
Another example: You are limited in your foods due to physical causes (allergies, medical conditions, etc.), and when you see others talk about "a game" of picking 5 or 6 foods and living on those - you think "This is real to me, not a game."
A third example: You have a hidden disability. When people see you, they assume you should be able to do just what they can do. Or, you have a visible disability. When people see you, they assume your physical condition is impacting your intelligence... and so they talk louder and slower.
When things like that happen - how do you find a way to live your life with grace and comfort? How do you connect to people who do not even understand your reality? Do you address the prejudice and bias? How do you overcome your own prejudices and biases?
I have been searching for an answer for this person - or even just a direction to suggest, and find my answers are very much not ones that will likely work for the person. Any suggestions?
How can you feel connected to the world when other people talk about "hurting" or about "not being able to do what they used to" and you are looking at them do things YOU can only dream about doing? For example, a couple talks about it being harder on them to do their garden. You watch them carry a bucket from one side of the large garden to the other. And, you are thinking - I could not even WALK across the garden...
Another example: You are limited in your foods due to physical causes (allergies, medical conditions, etc.), and when you see others talk about "a game" of picking 5 or 6 foods and living on those - you think "This is real to me, not a game."
A third example: You have a hidden disability. When people see you, they assume you should be able to do just what they can do. Or, you have a visible disability. When people see you, they assume your physical condition is impacting your intelligence... and so they talk louder and slower.
When things like that happen - how do you find a way to live your life with grace and comfort? How do you connect to people who do not even understand your reality? Do you address the prejudice and bias? How do you overcome your own prejudices and biases?
I have been searching for an answer for this person - or even just a direction to suggest, and find my answers are very much not ones that will likely work for the person. Any suggestions?
Saturday, June 8, 2013
Are you going to get a shower today?
Family - are you going to take a shower today and get dressed?
Me - Don't know yet. If snoozing all day and only getting up to snack helps kick this migraine, then prob not. So, going to depend on what I feel like doing.
Family - that works.
Today's reality:
The migraine is better, but still lurking... I have no intention of doing ANYTHING that causes it to come back. My chest feels like an elephant is sitting on it - asthma is flared up. I have a couple swollen joints fingers - for some reason tapping on a kindle is bad for me - and I forgot to use the stylus pen... so I am paying for that. So, I hurt and that hurt is because I have pushed more than my body likes. It is also likely I have eaten something to which I am reacting some - slow build, cummulative reaction... Unfortunately, I am suspecting chocolate. :(
Moral of the story:
Sometimes it is enough just to follow the needs of your body. I have a paper to write this weekend and a quarter to finish up. I worked the whole week through a hell of a migraine and I made it through. Today I slept until 11:00, got up, ate breakfast, and went back to sleep. I woke back up at 2:00, ate lunch, and have been puttering around.
I am blessed because most of the time my family is willing to let me go at my own pace, to tend to my health needs, and to abstain from casting guilt. More often than my family causing me problems is that I cause my own. It is hard to abandon "should, could, and must". However, as I find myself leaving those behind, I find myself moving into calm and healthier life. I am finding wellness.
My hope for each of you today is that what you do is "enough" and that calmness and wellness surround you, hold you, and sustain you.
Me - Don't know yet. If snoozing all day and only getting up to snack helps kick this migraine, then prob not. So, going to depend on what I feel like doing.
Family - that works.
Today's reality:
The migraine is better, but still lurking... I have no intention of doing ANYTHING that causes it to come back. My chest feels like an elephant is sitting on it - asthma is flared up. I have a couple swollen joints fingers - for some reason tapping on a kindle is bad for me - and I forgot to use the stylus pen... so I am paying for that. So, I hurt and that hurt is because I have pushed more than my body likes. It is also likely I have eaten something to which I am reacting some - slow build, cummulative reaction... Unfortunately, I am suspecting chocolate. :(
Moral of the story:
Sometimes it is enough just to follow the needs of your body. I have a paper to write this weekend and a quarter to finish up. I worked the whole week through a hell of a migraine and I made it through. Today I slept until 11:00, got up, ate breakfast, and went back to sleep. I woke back up at 2:00, ate lunch, and have been puttering around.
I am blessed because most of the time my family is willing to let me go at my own pace, to tend to my health needs, and to abstain from casting guilt. More often than my family causing me problems is that I cause my own. It is hard to abandon "should, could, and must". However, as I find myself leaving those behind, I find myself moving into calm and healthier life. I am finding wellness.
My hope for each of you today is that what you do is "enough" and that calmness and wellness surround you, hold you, and sustain you.
Friday, May 17, 2013
The Moving Target - NOT FAIR
Well, I was having a pretty good day. Ate 2 pieces of sharp cheddar cheese (same brand I have been eating for months). AND GOT AN INSTANT allergy-style migraine. Figure was contaminated with mold? Maybe?
Anyway, now have taken a boat-load of migraine meds and the world is just a tad shimmery.
Feeling that this is not quite fair - not that fair makes a difference or not... but still.... I can accept reactions when I am eating something I should not, or trying a new thing. But this is the same darn cheese I ate last week, a couple days ago, etc. So, yeah - I am feeling that the target got moved on me, the rules changed, and my inner kid is pitching a fit!
Which brings me to the question - what does one do when the rules change mid-game, when the world is inherently unfair, and when the darn target moves? Do you honor and accept the inner child... The emotional reactions to unfairness? Do you try to talk yourself out of the emotion - perhaps by saying that no one ever promised that life would play fair? Do you put on a DVD and ignore it all - distracting yourself with something else?
What do you do? And when does that work... and when does it not?
Something I suppose I shall think about in the next couple of hours and the next couple of days.
Laura
Anyway, now have taken a boat-load of migraine meds and the world is just a tad shimmery.
Feeling that this is not quite fair - not that fair makes a difference or not... but still.... I can accept reactions when I am eating something I should not, or trying a new thing. But this is the same darn cheese I ate last week, a couple days ago, etc. So, yeah - I am feeling that the target got moved on me, the rules changed, and my inner kid is pitching a fit!
Which brings me to the question - what does one do when the rules change mid-game, when the world is inherently unfair, and when the darn target moves? Do you honor and accept the inner child... The emotional reactions to unfairness? Do you try to talk yourself out of the emotion - perhaps by saying that no one ever promised that life would play fair? Do you put on a DVD and ignore it all - distracting yourself with something else?
What do you do? And when does that work... and when does it not?
Something I suppose I shall think about in the next couple of hours and the next couple of days.
Laura
Friday, May 3, 2013
Prayer for responsibility of choices
Prayer for responsibility of choices - From June 2012
Each person chooses, in every action and in every thought, how significant or how insignificant other people are in that person's life. We can never control the actions of others, but we can control our reactions to their choices. May your choices for the day help you to further your goals, to better the world, and to make your connections to your family and community healthier and happier. May you become a better person by your choices and your actions. This is my prayer for us all."
Thought for the day: "Just Joking"
Just Joking - April 2012
To those who feel that it is acceptable to make crude comments: Just blocked one jerk who thought the words "just joking" made it ok. "Just joking" means you know you are being a jerk and decided to do it anyway.
Steps
Sometimes it seems like it is 2 steps back and 1 step forward, but eventually you break through and it becomes many steps forward. Thought for today - yesterday's steps are gone and tomorrow's steps are only a dream. Today, I will deliberately take the steps forward ... even if I have to do it on tip-toes. This one step in this moment is under my control!
Purpose of Truth
Purpose of truth
Let not the truth be a club, with which to beat the unruly,
nor a flame that scorches the earth leaving ashes of regret,
But instead let truth be as blossom which unfurls into a thing of beauty - to enlighten the mind and uplift the soul.
Monday, April 29, 2013
Serendipity
Sometimes things happen in your life (or at least they do in my life) that have no meaning at the time. In fact, they are hassles - taking energy and providing nothing of value.
Or so it seems.
Then, some time in the future - perhaps even years away from those "hassles" - the skills learned, the resiliency developed, the knowledge you wanted in the first place - those things become a source of comfort, strength, or wisdom. Often, those things become the tools with which you find the ability to help others.
Today, I have considered all the ways, big and small, events and experiences from my past have resonated through my life to provide resources I never knew I had. Today, I considered how trauma in my past provided wisdom to help another. Today, I heart-felt the difference between "being broken" and "being tempered".
Laura
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
When the Bear gets you!
Some days you get the bear, and some days the bear gets you!
Today I feel like I have been gotten – used to scrub the woodland floor and then dunked in the creek. It has been a long day.
So I think about what it is within us that we draw on when we are dragging… How we get ourselves (and sometimes our family and friends) through.
Today, my strength came from laughing and from routine.
Laughing – I was so fuzzy and tired this morning I reached for my toothpowder (do not use toothpaste because of allergies, have toothpowder of salt, soda, and herbs – tastes nasty, but does the job) and grabbed the bottle of water conditioner for my fish tank. Put that on my toothbrush instead of toothpowder. Thankfully, I realized my mistake before I put the stuff in my mouth! The humor of the mix-up (and the irony that the water conditioner might just taste better than the tooth powder) have provided laughter power for getting through the day.
The other source of strength was the routine. I get up. I check email and facebook. And then, I do my work. Today’s work – already scheduled – was counseling 3 clients, calling tomorrow’s clients to confirm, taking my son to his appointment, and in 45 minutes – online supervision. There is less energy, I think, in making it through, than there is in creating a whole new day out of 24 hours of unscheduled time. Today required me to show up and to be able to listen. I took lots of notes, responded, and counseled. It was quiet and linear. I was tired, but I was present. And that was enough.
So, now I think about the day and about how it is we find the strength to carry on – no matter what the bear has been doing….
Laura
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