New Year's Eve

I suppose it says something about me - I get more excited about the turn of the year than I do about all other holidays and events combined.  Birthdays - no big deal.  Religious holidays - joy and stress.  Family holidays and national events (4th of July)... mainly stress.  No, for me the biggie is New Year's.

It is not the ball dropping or any of the glitz.  Hey, I do not even have a television hooked up to cable (my TV is for DVD purposes only).  There are no television channels in my life.  No, for me it is the potential that hangs with great presence over the turning of the year.

Season's change do the same for me in a small degree.  But, it is New Year's Eve that makes me all shivery with excitement.  Much the same as Christmas did when I was small.  Now, I review the previous year and find great anticipation of the possibilities of the coming year.

And, New Year's Eve has a wonderful present ... the first day of a new calendar.  I find such delight in looking at the blank squares and knowing it is up to my choice as to how I fill those days.  Sometimes, I seek to rectify poor behaviors of the past.  However, I find more and more, as I grow older, that I seek to focus on where I am going instead of where I have been.  The past has relevance - it would be foolish to imagine that it did not.  However, it is the future that thrills me.  Each moment of that expanse of time can be written by choice and by action.  And, what a wonderful, heady thought that is to me.

So, my wish for each and every one is this:

May your New Year be the one you write for yourself.  May it see you become a better person than you were yesterday.  May you find joy and happiness and meaning.  May you be the blessing on the world that you have the potential to be.  And, when looking back upon the year, may you find peace and certainty that the year could not in any way have been lived to a better or fuller degree.

What it means to be a help object - by Rachel Cohen-Rottenberg.

http://www.disabilityandrepresentation.com/2013/09/03/what-it-means-to-be-a-help-object/

by Rachel Cohen-Rottenberg

This is very much important to read - especially if you are able-bodied.  And if you are not able-bodied, this is also important because it puts to words what is often unspoken.

It is my hope that all who read this look for ways to even out the experience of privilege and to make the world a bit fairer to all!

Laura

What is Advocacy?

Advocacy –

Speaking for those who cannot or will not speak for themselves. 

Using your talents and abilities to help others have opportunities to grow, learn, heal. 

Not tolerating injustice, but also actively seeking to increase access to resources for people who do not have access.

Understanding that offering assistance, addressing institutional bias, and working within systems for change DOES NOT confer control over a person’s actions.  One is advocacy, the other is imprisonment – regardless of how benign and comfortable the cell.

Understanding that it not us versus them.  It is instead we.  It is essential that instead of being the Lone Ranger of advocacy, we gather groups of people (including people who would use that which we are seeking) to work together in advocating for change.

Accepting differences and celebrating those differences, while also understanding that opportunities and knowledge are not evenly distributed.  Further, it is understanding that not all people WANT the same opportunities.  It is important to listen to the preferences and needs of the people for whom we are advocating.

How do I advocate?  

I start with the client.  

We challenge and work through internalized messages of lack and damage hidden within “the stigma” of mental illness.  I encourage growth and client-led therapy choices.  I have lists upon lists of community resources which I use to provide access for my clients so that they can obtain needed resources (food, shelter, income).  I encourage my clients to consider self-actualization through education, volunteering, or spiritual development. 

I start with the gatekeepers.

I advocate though developing a network of gatekeepers in the community.  And, when I contact them to see what services they offer, I make sure they have my information and provide them with any information which might enhance or further their mission.  I have done this for long enough that people will call me asking for specific resources. 

I start with my community.

I talk about mental health in my community, spreading information among all that I know.  In this way, correct information gets out into the population and stigma can be decreased.  I have Facebook support groups I co-admin or I host.  I share information sources with people there and on my personal wall.  I create a blog that is open to the public. 

I start with my life.

Advocacy is not only what my future career suggests (ACA Code of Ethics), it is part of who I am.  I am open and honest about my own mental health issues (OCD, depression (or cyclothymia, which is more likely), SAD).  I am open and honest about physical health issues (fibromyalgia, arthritis, nerve damage, allergies).  I use my life as an example of thriving around, coping with, and living through chronic conditions and illnesses.  And, I am very much aware that my experience, as blessed as it has been, is full of resources and opportunities that other people may not have.

Laura Collins

Blessings and Challenges

Chaotic week -

Son had strep, missed going down to mission trip on Sunday, so went to doctor monday and got abx,
Sunday son had a mood episode that was pretty bad, got in touch with the docs and he started on Zyprexa monday morning, which really, really helped.

my dad took him down to NC (7 hour round trip drive) on Tuesday,

Tuesday I stayed home to help Mom with the kids she was watching cause she needed help and dad was taking my son down to the mission trip,

Wednesday had a full day cause I moved Tuesday clients into Wednesday,
After internship had online supervision, so the day went from 7 AM to 8:30 PM

Thursday had an easy day cause 4 clients out of 6 cancelled,
but Thursday afternoon when coming home early from internship, got message from son saying he needed to come home - was having mood and asthma problems,
So, I went down to NC with dad (he drove) - 7 hour round trip. By hour 2 had an allergy reaction migraine to the car exhaust fumes. By end of trip had severe migraine and was having breathing trouble. Came to the realization I am capped at 2 hour trips if the interstate is involved. Allergies to car exhaust fumes (prob the corn allergies) create serious problems.
Got home at 11:00. In bed by 12:30.
Homework which was due on Thursday obviously did not get done.

Friday had a long day. saw 8 clients cause one cancelled (squeezed the Tuesday people into Friday also).
Came home at 5:00. air conditioner out. So, fans and open windows (triggering a bit more asthma)
Laid down at 8:00 and was asleep.
11:00 Son comes wakes me up, once more in severe depression.
We talk about it, he takes his Zyprexa (which I REALLY think needs to be adjusted up). Finally he falls asleep. I was watching Mimic.

Dog cannot decide who to sleep beside, so he lays over my son and then starts licking me.
I am pretty sure he was eating something dead yesterday cause he REALLY needs his teeth brushed.

Still horribly hot. So I get up at 2:00 AM and turn on the ceiling fan in the hall. Air out the rooms a bit. Do a nebulizer treatment.

Doze until 11:00 AM. Hands are swollen and numb/pins & needles from not having my full bed to arrange my body while sleeping. Other joints showing signs of swelling and have pain. From allergen exposure (car trip), my skin is feels like sun-burnt and is itchy all over.

Son's throat is worse and he had to do a nebulizer treatment during the night. Will have to take him to the doctor on Monday.

Asked dad to loan me the money today to get another AC. Will have funds to pay for it in about 10 days - but cannot breathe very well in the hot room. He is going out to get an AC for me and to put it in - should be good in a couple hours.

So - chaotic week. I am sore physically, tired physically, emotionally coming to the end of my rope, and have a migraine now that is mid-level (and going to last another 24-48 hours)...

BUT - BLESSINGS:
My son is on medication that is helping (the first one in over a decade!!)
My son was willing to let me help him through his depressive episodes..
My family was able to help with all the chaos this week and everyone got or is getting what they had to have.
I have family who can help me afford what I have to have... and is willing to do so and to let me pay them back when I can.
And - my dog is going to get a bath and teeth brushed today if I do NOTHING else!

Struggles:
I am really struggling with knowing that I am limited in how far I can travel. I have LOVED taking road trips. But, it is becoming very obvious that I can only go so far before I develop an allergy migraine (and pushing that goes to one that is blinding) and have asthmatic reactions to all the fumes. This is really bothering me and is a struggle for me to accept.


Further Thoughts:
But, you know things really do work out. Those clients who cancelled on Thursday - let me go after my son at 3:30 PM instead of having to leave after 6:00.

The client who cancelled on Friday let me take care of another client who was in crisis.

The family member who works in mental health knew about Zyprexa, which may be my son's "wonder drug".

The AC did not die (it has been on its last legs for this whole summer so far) until right before I had the funds to replace it, so I felt comfortable asking for the loan from my dad to replace it.

All told, it could have been much worse, and it was not even all bad.  There are blessings even in the midst of trial and challenge.

My hope is that I have the courage to look for the blessings no matter how intense the challenges.

The Moving Target - NOT FAIR

Well, I was having a pretty good day.  Ate 2 pieces of sharp cheddar cheese (same brand I have been eating for months).  AND GOT AN INSTANT allergy-style migraine.  Figure was contaminated with mold?  Maybe?

Anyway, now have taken a boat-load of migraine meds and the world is just a tad shimmery.

Feeling that this is not quite fair - not that fair makes a difference or not... but still....  I can accept reactions when I am eating something I should not, or trying a new thing.  But this is the same darn cheese I ate last week, a couple days ago, etc.  So, yeah - I am feeling that the target got moved on me, the rules changed, and my inner kid is pitching a fit!

Which brings me to the question - what does one do when the rules change mid-game, when the world is inherently unfair, and when the darn target moves?  Do you honor and accept the inner child... The emotional reactions to unfairness?  Do you try to talk yourself out of the emotion - perhaps by saying that no one ever promised that life would play fair?  Do you put on a DVD and ignore it all - distracting yourself with something else?

What do you do?  And when does that work... and when does it not?

Something I suppose I shall think about in the next couple of hours and the next couple of days.

Laura

Wallowing in it

Everyone has moments (or days) when the unfairness of life seems to be oozing over everything, when the negatives outweigh the positives, when pity creeps in and covers their eyes.  So, what to do?

You throw a pity party and no one comes.  And, THAT only makes you feel worse.

Cloe Madanes suggested in her family therapy theory that one way to control problems is to exaggerate them.  Or, in regular words - if you are feeling pitiful, wallow in it.  If you are angry, wallow in it.

So, I have been doing this.

When I am angry, I go up to my room (so I do not look like a lunatic) and I hit pillows, I swing my arms, I make horrible faces, I say nasty things - and in about 3 minutes of active and theatrical anger, I wear myself out and I start laughing.

When I am pitying myself, I moan, I whine, I cry, I say all the things that are unfair, I throw myself on the bed - and if it was not dramatic enough, I do it again.  Within a little bit I am once more laughing.

After the laughter stops, I find I am in a mood to work through the situation which is causing the negative emotions.  And action has always felt so very much better to me than wallowing in feelings I do not FEEL I can control.

So - the next time you are feeling bad, may I suggest taking a bit of time to wallow in it?  Doing so just might change your day.

Laura

Thought for the day: Walls

When blocked from what you want or need to do:

by Laura A Collins (Notes) on Tuesday, January 24, 2012 at 2:19pm

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When life presents you with a wall, you can keep running into it, or you can look around, find the most pleasant detour, and walk around the wall. Sometimes the detour is a blessing, sometimes it is an opportunity to grow - you never know until you are in mid-stride.

Balcony People and Basement People

Balcony People and Basement People

by Laura A Collins (Notes) on Monday, November 12, 2012 at 7:59pm

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There are balcony people and basement people. The balcony people lift you up and show you the stars. The basement people seek to drag you down with them into the damp and musty corners of the basement. Your accomplishment is wonderful! Instead of letting a basement dweller pull you down, enjoy the moment, stay on the balcony and look at the stars!"

Not my concept. Was something we were taught in Mary Kay training. It does make a difference when you consider the direction that people try to pull you. And, it helps keep balance in your personal life. At least for me it does.

Guilt

Guilt - October 2012

by Laura A Collins (Notes) on Monday, November 12, 2012 at 3:19pm

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‎"Generally the crisis worker sees guilt as a pretty useless emotion, consumptive of energy that could be used in other, more positive ways.  Guilt is invariably an emotion of the past, and whatever was done can never again be retrieved.  It is one thing to learn from one's past mistakes and quite another to carry past, unfinished business into the present, particularly when one is feeling guilty ...

about not measuring up."  page 552, Crisis Intervention Strategies (2008), by Richard K. James.

I found this particularly striking.  How many times do we "feel guilty" when instead we should learn, accept, and move on.  Sometimes, I believe feeling guilty is the easy choice.  It is much harder to say, "I did this.  I do not like the result.  I am changing what I do NOW." 

If instead of guilt, we look at the event, the circumstances surround the event, and we assess these things, then we have an opportunity to grow past the event which caused problem.  We have a chance to understand what we have done and to change that which we do not like.

I resolve to refuse to feel guilty, and instead to accept the challenges of my mistakes as an opportunity to learn and as the reality of impetus to growth.

Steps

Sometimes it seems like it is 2 steps back and 1 step forward, but eventually you break through and it becomes many steps forward. Thought for today - yesterday's steps are gone and tomorrow's steps are only a dream. Today, I will deliberately take the steps forward ... even if I have to do it on tip-toes. This one step in this moment is under my control!

Purpose of Truth

Purpose of truth

by Laura A Collins (Notes) on Tuesday, March 26, 2013 at 8:09pm

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Let not the truth be a club, with which to beat the unruly,

nor a flame that scorches the earth leaving ashes of regret,

But instead let truth be as blossom which unfurls into a thing of beauty - to enlighten the mind and uplift the soul.

Serendipity

Sometimes things happen in your life (or at least they do in my life) that have no meaning at the time.  In fact, they are hassles - taking energy and providing nothing of value.  

Or so it seems.

Then, some time in the future - perhaps even years away from those "hassles" - the skills learned, the resiliency developed, the knowledge you wanted in the first place - those things become a source of comfort, strength, or wisdom.  Often, those things become the tools with which you find the ability to help others.

Today, I have considered all the ways, big and small, events and experiences from my past have resonated through my life to provide resources I never knew I had.  Today, I considered how trauma in my past provided wisdom to help another.  Today, I heart-felt the difference between "being broken" and "being tempered".

Laura

When the Bear gets you!

Some days you get the bear, and some days the bear gets you!

Today I feel like I have been gotten – used to scrub the woodland floor and then dunked in the creek.  It has been a long day.

So I think about what it is within us that we draw on when we are dragging…  How we get ourselves (and sometimes our family and friends) through.

Today, my strength came from laughing and from routine.  

Laughing – I was so fuzzy and tired this morning I reached for my toothpowder (do not use toothpaste because of allergies, have toothpowder of salt, soda, and herbs – tastes nasty, but does the job) and grabbed the bottle of water conditioner for my fish tank.  Put that on my toothbrush instead of toothpowder.  Thankfully, I realized my mistake before I put the stuff in my mouth!  The humor of the mix-up (and the irony that the water conditioner might just taste better than the tooth powder) have provided laughter power for getting through the day.

The other source of strength was the routine.  I get up.  I check email and facebook.  And then, I do my work.  Today’s work – already scheduled – was counseling 3 clients, calling tomorrow’s clients to confirm, taking my son to his appointment, and in 45 minutes – online supervision.  There is less energy, I think, in making it through, than there is in creating a whole new day out of 24 hours of unscheduled time.  Today required me to show up and to be able to listen.  I took lots of notes, responded, and counseled.  It was quiet and linear.  I was tired, but I was present.  And that was enough.

So, now I think about the day and about how it is we find the strength to carry on – no matter what the bear has been doing….

Laura