A Thanksgiving hope for those with Chronic Illness
A Thanksgiving Hope
For the last several months, as I have struggled with maintaining my path into health, as I have listened to others and their struggles, as I have learned about obesity, I have come to some conclusions. Allow me to tell you a story.
I experience chronic illness. Like many others who experience chronic illness, I have learned that management is a huge part of achieving a modicum of wellness. This fall, I was overwhelmed with tasks and responsibilities in my life. Therefore, I started to ignore those things which I KNOW help me with wellness.
I know I need 8 hours or so of sleep a night. I was getting less than 7. I know that daylight savings time (light change) is a very difficult period for me to transition. I did not prepare this year by increasing sleep time by an hour, changing my light bulbs, making sure I was exercising. Instead, I was existing in a frantic state of trying to put out fires faster than they were starting. I know that I need to eat on a regular schedule. Instead I was eating too much or not eating at all – and so dropped out of ketosis.
As a result, I developed severe bronchitis/mild pneumonia – and took 2 weeks to recover from it. I developed a 4 week migraine, 2 weeks of which were totally debilitating. I caught a cold. Still working on getting over that! Not preparing for light change, meant that my seasonal depression was fairly severe – I slept away the better part of a week. I still have limited energy (about 10 hours per day and I am done!!). My glands became swollen and I started to bruise easily again – which likely means the Epstein Barr Virus (think Mono) is active again in my system. It flares up every time I get run down, and has since I was 13 years old.
Now, let’s talk about guilt and accountability. Guilt is, to my mind, a way of saying, ”I did this thing, but I am not going to do anything about it.” Accountability is, on the other hand, a way of saying, “I did this thing, did not like the consequences, so I will plan to not do this again.” One takes energy, but accomplishes nothing helpful. Instead, it becomes a way to flagellate ourselves… without having to commit to changing the actions we are lamenting. The other takes the same energy, but helps us to grow. It is based on acceptance of the previous action, evaluation of the results of that action, planning future actions, and determination to grow in a way that we choose.
Chronic illness is a lifetime lifestyle. It does not go away. It has ebb and flow. Those who experience chronic illness are NOT AT FAULT for having the illness. There is no blame there. They are not at fault for when the illness flares and causes complications. While it is true that the individual can act in such a way to help REDUCE or INCREASE the RISK of flare, the occurrence of flare is beyond control. We control our own, human, actions. We have no control over life events or the cosmos. We are not God. Therefore, if our actions are causing an increase in risk that is not worth that cost, then see the discussion of guilt and accountability.
Western (American) society emphasizes being “The Best”. However, there can only be one who is “The Best”. By default, all the others are not. Eastern societies emphasize being better today than yesterday. The difference is the measure of improvement. The Best is only the best in comparison to other people. Better today than yesterday is a measure of personal change. One is concerned with winning, regardless of growth. One is concerned with growing, regardless of the contest.
I have come to the conclusion that obesity, in the case of people who experience biological imbalance in carbohydrate metabolism, is a chronic illness or condition. It is something that will be with us for all of our lives. We will never be blithe about what we eat or able to be inattentive to our eating actions and choices. However, as has occurred with my personal journey through other chronic illness, I expect that as time passes, and as I learn more about this particular condition (having only started learning about this 157 days ago), the knowledge will become habit, and the habit will become almost unconscious. Similar to driving, what was complicated in Driver’s Education is now second nature. However, will all new skills, I expect this to take time to become integral to my life.
Therefore, my Thanksgiving hope for us all is that we accept our actions, we move quickly through the grief process of giving up the “person who can eat without consequence ideal we all had in our minds”, and that we learn to be better today than yesterday as we grow into wellness and health.
Laura Collins
