Toilet Plungers and Facebook

Toilet Plungers and Facebook

Several times over the last month, I have had a conversation with people which is similar to this blog post. 

The conversation starts out with the person stating how he or she is feeling “bad” about his or her life… Because it does not match the pictures of life he or she sees on Facebook.  Friends are having fantastic days.  Their selfies are spectacular.  Vacations are plentiful.  There are joyful moments.  Everyone else’s diets are rocking away the pounds.

And there is the person with whom I am speaking… Who is not on vacation.  Who has not lost ten pounds with the latest and greatest diet.  Who is not glamorous in a selfie.

The person who is frazzled.  Who did not get much sleep last night because he or she was up worrying about bills.  Who is going to be lucky to get a full 10 minutes to shower without interruption – a vacation is out of the question.

It is to these people I have asked the question:  Do you ever see pictures of their toilet plungers? 

After all, everyone eats.  Everyone sleeps.  Everyone has a life.  … And all those lovely Facebook pictures NEVER show people washing dishes scrubbing the floor, or unplugging the toilet.  I have yet to see someone posting a selfie of using a toilet plunger.

So when you see those lovely pictures and doubt starts to creep into your mind… I want you to think of toilet plungers.  Remind yourself that Facebook pictures are the shiniest moments of life.  But Facebook pictures ARE NOT representative of the vast majority of life we each live.  All those moments which make up the bulk of our lives – no one is snapping sparkly pictures of them.  No one is posting those pictures – the ones which never get taken.   Instead, people are busy LIVING those moments.  Just like you do. 

Just like we all do.

Boundaries, Facebook, and Blocking People

Worthy Idea from a person I was talking with the other day about blocking people:

I see Facebook like this. If someone knocks on your door and when you open it then punched you in the face... The next time he or she knocks on your door you probably shouldn't open it. Same with Facebook. There is no reason to keep "friends" who deliberately hurt you.

I thought about what the person said and realized it all comes down to boundaries.

When you respect yourself enough to expect Not to be attacked through verbal or physical means, then when someone violates that boundary it is not only acceptable but necessary to remove that person's access to you and your life.

To do anything less is to voluntarily harm yourself... To agree that you deserve to be attacked.

There is, of course, the option to fight. But in some cases, the fighting has no chance of winning. Sometimes what you might win is worthless or even damaging. Then the most humane choice for all involved is just to walk away with yourself intact.

Freedom For and Freedom From: Upon getting removed from a FB group because I posted that I was uncomfortable with some responses to posts:

Guidelines are awesome.  And essential.  And group rules SHAPE the form and function of the group.

However, with that said, a friend once told me that there are "freedom for/of"s and there are "freedom from"s.

When one has freedom from something it is because that experience is removed from that person's life.  For example when one has freedom from being upset it is because all things upsetting are banned, removed, or otherwise suppressed.  Freedom from feels safe and provides shelter.  It provides protection for those who cannot or will not protect themselves.  It also requires an authority of some type to have the power to remove the upsetting things.

Freedom for, on the other hand, requires each person to be responsible and active.  When you have freedom for speech, you are required to accept the consequences of your speech, but you have the right to speak.  Freedom for is messy and not always easy, but tends to lead to growth and change.

Neither type of freedom is bad.  However, some people do better in one type or the other.  I suspect the group from which I was removed and the admin of that group prefers Freedom From.  And I know I prefer Freedom For.

To me Freedom For feels honest and when tempered with compassion and understanding that we are all in this world together, that diversity makes for wonderful flavor, and that cruelty is NEVER a freedom, it results in growth and achievement of potential.  And Freedom For means that I also accept the consequences of speaking up.

To say I was uncomfortable was honest and was addressing an action that created emotion within me.  I do not mind being removed from the group... I would have left it when I next had the chance to be online at my computer instead of my phone.  But my comments of discomfort on the group led to a personal message sent to me prior to my removal from the group, followed by being blocked by the admin who made the comment.  After thinking some about that message, I decided it made the difference between Freedom For and Freedom From quite obvious.