Uplifts and Downdrafts

I have worked in the person-centered field of mental health care.  Due to this experience and my own personal life, I have often found taking care of ourselves falls by the side of the road.  Life is so very demanding - and when we care for others it can seem almost selfish to take care of ourselves... to say - No, this is time I must have for myself.

However, there is truth in the statement "you cannot take care of others until and unless you first take care of yourself".  If you have nothing left, then you have nothing left to give.

There is also truth in the statements I often hear, "I have to work to pay bills.  Just how am I supposed to 'take time' to take care of me?" or "Taking care of Jane Doe/John Doe is 24/7 - there is just no time left".

How then, do we reconcile these statements?

I suggest we change the playing field.  This is how:  Stop trying to find big blocks of time.  Instead look for and rejoice in the small minutes that you can use to replenish yourself.

Allow me to provide a few examples:

I may not be able to change the fact that I must work.  I cannot change that I have often worked a 50 hour work-week in order to accomplish all necessary tasks.

• But I CAN make the environment pleasant through full-spectrum lighting, arranging my office to my personal comfort, and ergonomics with my desk, computer and chair.
• I CAN set playlists to which I listen as I work through the day.  
• I DID order glasses with blue-coat on them to reduce glare from computer screens (I spend a lot of time looking at computers as I read through documents about services provided).  
• I CAN make sure that at least twice per week, I am home early enough to cook dinner, eat leisurely, and spend time with my son.  
• I DO leave paperwork and concerns at the office.
• I TURN OFF my phone in the evening when I am ready to start settling down for bed (Do not disturb functions on smartphone are absolutely wonderful!).  
• I DO practice 1 or 3 or 5 minute moments of closing my eyes and simply breathing.
• I DO use desk and office stretches to keep my body from stiffening if I am sitting for a long period of time. 
• I TAKE BREAKS every 45 minutes to change what I am doing - perhaps I will move to file paperwork instead of spending 2 hours straight at the computer.  Perhaps I will contact clients or clinicians and use the phone time to pace a bit around the office.

For many, work may be one aspect of our lives.  For others, it may not be.  However, everyone has a home life of some sort.  We can each increase our wellness by ensuring we make things as pleasant and beneficial as possible.  How?  For me: 

Media

• I turn off the computer in the evenings.  It does not benefit me to stay up late chatting with friends or playing Farmville or other games.
• I turn of the TV (mine only has a DVD player attached to it - I do not have TV channels.)
• I got rid of TV channels.  I do not stream shows online, either.  I am much happier not spending hours of my life watching television shows.  I am less negative not watching the nightly news.
• I DO listen to NPR in the morning on the way to work - this makes my world a larger place.  I listen to NPR sometimes in the afternoons at home or on the way home.

Pets

• I play with Inky and Chai (our dogs).  There is something soothing in interacting with furbabies.  For me, having a dog settles me and gives me an anchor in this busy world.  Cuddles with a dog makes so many things less overwhelming.

Sleep

• I make sure I get enough sleep.  If I do not have 8 hours of sleep, I come to the end of myself before the end of the day.  This is not good for anyone.
• I meditate 15 minutes each morning and each evening. 
• Meditation does not have to be the "clear your mind and go "ohmmmm" type thing so many people think it must be.  
• For me, I spent 15 minutes noticing and naming all that I sense.  There is no judgement.  My mind never stops; but in allowing myself to be still and through channeling my mind to notice what I am experiencing, I can step outside of the rush and so can rest.  
• I have noticed over the last 18 months of doing this that my anxiety levels have decreased over 45% based on mood trackers.  
• I have also noticed I fall asleep faster and my sleep quality has increased dramatically.  I used to need 12 hours of sleep.  Now, I am rested and well with 8 hours (although I do sleep in on weekends and get 9-10 hours).
• I use my CPAP machine.  Sleep disorders result in chronic sleep deprivation.  This has multiple impacts on mood, physical health, ability to function, mental health, etc.  Simply put - if you have a sleep disorder you do not address you are shortening your life and reducing the quality of your life.  
• I sleep in the dark.  Lights can interfere with the production of melatonin.  

Organization

• I attend to household tasks each day so my home is a haven, a refuge, where I can rest and replenish.
• When I come home, I try to ensure that I put things into their place.  This reduces the amount of time it takes me to clean my house.
• I try to keep dishes done each day, which increases the hygiene of my home, reduces chances of having bugs, and makes living here pleasant.  
• There is something anxiety provoking to me to walk into a kitchen with dirty dishes in the morning.  
• Conversely there is something calming about being able to make breakfast and lunch in a kitchen that is both clean and organized.
• I plan ahead.  I do the majority of my cooking on the weekend.  That way, during the week, I can make quick and nutritious meals without much time or cleaning.

Introverts and Extroverts.

• I am an introvert.  There is often confusion about what an introvert is and is not.  Robbie Gongaware, one of the most impactful mentors in my life, explained introverts and extroverts like this:  An introvert is someone who builds up energy in solitude.  An extrovert is someone who builds energy in the companionship of others.  Neither introverts or extroverts should always be solitary or in company.  For each type of person, balance is essential.  However, for each type of person, what makes balance is different. 
• I have found that I am happiest when I have some dedicated solitude built into my day as well as some dedicated time to interact with others.  When I spend too much time in solitude, my world becomes a smaller place.  When I spend too much time with others, I have no energy and become very frazzled. 
• Once a month or so, I deliberately take an entire day to be alone.  This is the time I set my mind free and simply surf the flow of thoughts.  This is when I am most creative and when I generate the ideas I work on bringing into reality over the rest of the month.  I create new recipes and then have the pleasure over the month of trying them out.  I seek new experiences I might want to try.  And, I review the previous month to determine what I want to change over the next month.  I find this time invaluable and a great source of strength. 

Friends

• I have many friends.  A good proportion of these are online friends from various interest and support groups.  Some of the online friends are ones who became friends in "face-to-face life" and then have moved beyond visiting range.  
• I have local face-to-face friends.  I do not interact with these friends as often as I should based on society's standards... but that is part of the introvert balance I have spoken of above.  I touch base with them regularly.  And, I get together with people a couple times per month.
• I understand the difference between friend and acquaintance.  Often I have found that people get their feelings hurt when expectations of an acquaintance exceed the bounds of the acquaintanceship.  
• For caregivers, the tendency is to do "too much" for others.  When this tendency intrudes upon friendships, it creates imbalance and slowly destroys the friendship.  I have found it important to be willing to ask friends for assistance - EVEN WHEN I CAN DO IT MYSELF.  When I was trying to do everything, the unspoken message was that I was "more capable" than my friends.  Now, that I ensure I honor my friends' ability to be capable, I find I am much less stressed and my friendships are stronger.  It was never necessary that I do everything myself.  By doing so, I denied my friends the chance to provide caring and to demonstrate strength and ability.  I have learned to be less arrogant, which has reduced my stress.
• It is okay to say "no".  People who are caregivers often have a difficult time saying no.  After all, if someone asks then he or she must "need help".  This is not the case.  Sometimes people do need help.  Sometimes, the request is instead an offer to spend time with the person.  On occasion, the request is manipulation.  It is important to be able to parse the difference between these, to determine WHY the request is being made, and then to honestly evaluate if this is something you can do and that you are willing to do.  It is essential to not become the martyr who accedes to all requests and resents the time filling those requests take.

Uplifts and Downdrafts

• I have found it helpful to create lists of the short things I can do to renew myself ... as well as a list of things to limit as those items "drain my batteries".  For example, I love a cup of hot tea, looking at flowers, or cuddling my dogs.  These are some uplifts.  On the other hand, dealing with inaccurate bills, interacting with a few select people, or doing dishes are things I find unpleasant and prefer to avoid.  Therefore, when these tasks need doing (and dishes are a daily thing), I ensure to pack uplifts around the unpleasant to buffer out the stress of unpleasantness.  I change the environment to reduce impact of unpleasantness - an example would be listening to favored music while washing dishes.  Another would be steeping aromatic tea while doing dishes to have a cup of hot tea afterwards.
• A previous entry on this blog, April 23, 2103, Box of Joy, discusses how to create a system for uplifts using index cards.  If you are not used to taking time to experience uplifts, this may be something helpful to you.

Exercise

• For me, this is perhaps the most difficult part of wellness.  I have chronic illnesses which sometimes limit my ability to be very active.  However, when you realize that exercise is simply another word for movement, then the whole frame of thinking changes. 
• How many ways can you move your body?  Some days, I find myself doing stretches while soaking in a tub of hot water with Epsom salts.  Other days, I may be hiking.  There are days when I walk with my dogs out in the back yard.  And there are days I dance around my house while taking care of cleaning and dusting.  Instead of thinking "ugh, I have to get some exercise", try thinking "how am I going to move around a bit today...  What will be joyful?"
• If you have chronic structural or systemic issues (osteoarthritis, fibromyalgia, lupus, etc.), try for just a COUPLE MORE MINUTES of moving than the day before.  The biggest problem with "starting exercise" for people with these type of challenges is the doing-too-much-and-so-cause-too-much-pain-to-continue.  And, often it is because on the "good days" there is such need to "get things done" that overdoing becomes a cycle.  Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results.  So, maybe changing things up a bit would create a different result.  Pacing works!!

Vitamins and Nutrition

• If you have allergies or dietary restrictions it is very important to make sure you are getting adequate nutrients and vitamins.  For example, due to my allergy to corn, I do not eat any iodized salt (corn-based substance used to attach iodine to salt).  My hair started falling out.  I did some research and talked with others who are allergic to corn.  Figured maybe it was an iodine issue.  I purchased kelp supplements and started taking them.  My hair stopped falling out and is starting to grow back in.
• YOU KNOW YOUR BODY.  Please do not assume that someone with a degree or a license knows more about you than you do.  You are the expert on you.  Many diseases and disorders have YEARS of typical search for answers before diagnosis.  Some conditions are misunderstood or mislabeled due to multiple factors - including societal bias. Homosexuality was once consider a mental illness.  African Americans die of heart disease more often than Caucasians due to treatment disparity.  Socioeconomic status is often tied to outcome for medical and mental health treatment. 
• So, please, develop confidence in your ability to determine what is normal for your body and what is not... and be willing to persist until your providers listen, do your own research, talk with others - but with the awareness that what works for them may not work for you, take charge of your own health  and wellness.  The joke goes that the chicken is involved in breakfast, the pig is committed.  It is very true that no one is more committed in your health and wellness than you are.  Your providers are involved.  You are committed.
• Eat as well as you can.  I will not go into the arguments about GMO, organic, or other food issues.  Instead, I will simply suggest that the healthiest way to eat is to balance your meals between types of foods (dairy, meat, veggies, fruits, grains, other), pay attention to portions (you eat less if you use a smaller plate), get enough liquids (water is best), and reduce as much as possible the more processed foods.  My personal opinion is the closer it is to something grown (whole food - which means the less processed the item is) the healthier it is for you.
• Learn to cook.  Pretty much any item you cook is healthier than that same item bought in a package.  Often, it tastes better as well!
• Avoid, as much as possible, things (notice I did not call those items "foods") high in preservatives, trans fat, and sugar or sugar substitutes.
• Fad diets are fads because they do not have enough foundation in science, nutrition, or common sense to remain in use over time.  DIFFERENT DIETS (eating plans) WORK FOR DIFFERENT PEOPLE.  I do well when I eat a diet low in carbohydrates.  I feel sick when I eat too many carbohydrates.  However, the same eating plan that works for me, sends my sister into serial episodes of hypoglycemia.  So, if a diet does not "work" for you, modify it until it does or try a different eating plan.
• Dietitians - For some people, they can be invaluable.  For me, with the allergies I have and the extensive prevalence of corn derivatives in America, several dietitians provided advice which was dangerous to me.  "This item is safe for you."  Uhm, no, it was not.  So, as with all experts, please make sure that you blend the information provided with the truths your body experiences.  Consultation with experts, did however, provide me with new ideas to trial to new avenues of information to research.

Wellness has so many components more than what were discussed here.  Spirituality, purpose of life, continuing education, etc.  I hope that each person reading this explores the different aspects of wellness and then spends the time required to develop a plan of uplifts and wellness to keep his or her batteries filled.  :)