The Third Thursday in November

Woke up this morning to a wonderful note from my husband. Heart happy start to the morning.

He is enjoying Thanksgiving with all the allergens it traditionally entails at his sister's home today.

My family is doing their Thanksgiving dinner up there.

And I am here with the dogs.

Now - before you think this is a bad thing...

It is the perfect Thanksgiving for us! He and Samara get to enjoy their traditional foods. My family gets to do their thing. My son has no pressure about which family people to spend the day with. I get to have a day of doing whatever I want, however I want (a true gift for me!!).

I just cooked two beautiful sirloin steaks with sauteed mushrooms and onions (8 oz mushrooms, 1 medium onion, basil, garlic, salt, butter, oil, sirloin steaks). I have a steaming pot of coffee which just brewed. My dogs are skittering around the living room playing and enjoying the day. They have all been treated to some new chew toys. I have 3 loads of laundry done and another load in the wash - so ALL the laundry will be caught up. I am trying to decide if I want to play music today or set up some DVDs and listen to a movie marathon while I putter around.

A little later I will make some tapioca pudding, some grain-free bread, and maybe a cheese sauce. I can cook or play or simply watch the dogs. I have a day of my choice. And I am luxuriating in this!

My son will swing by on Saturday, when he is off work. I will make him some grain-free chicken and dumplings.

My parents, my sister and her kids are getting together down here for a allergen safe Thanksgiving on Sunday. My husband's daughter, mom and maybe his sisters will be here with their families. We will all enjoy allergen free versions of food and will continue our emergent tradition of safe-for-me holidays. We will have broccoli, mashed potatoes (three sets to accommodate all allergies), turkey, grain-free stuffing, cranberry sauce, maybe a cheese sauce, peas, and pumpkin pie. We will celebrate family and we will feast.

I posted this to help people see that there are all sorts of Happy Thanksgivings. If the one that works best for you is not the one you see in TV commercials or that fits the societal "should be", THAT IS OKAY. Do what works best for you and yours. Thanksgiving is a Mindset, a way of being. The third Thursday of November is just a day on the calendar!

Mother's Day 2015 - To All who mother others

To all who Mother others:

Whether you have children of the body who share your genetic code, children of the heart who you chose to bring into your family (formally or just as the cool woman who showed what it is to be female and human), children of the mind who you mentored to become all that they had it in them to be, or any combination of the three -

Happy Mother's Day.

The world is a better place because you shared who you are and what you are to set an example for others to follow, understand, and achieve!

Wanoka’s Recipes - My grandmother's recipes

Wanoka’s Recipes - My grandmother's recipes

by Laura A Collins (Notes) on Wednesday, July 29, 2009 at 9:30pm

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Ammonia Lemon Cookies

2 c. shortening (Crisco)
4 c. sugar
4 eggs
1 tsp. Salt
12 c flour
4 tsp. lemon oil (2 bottles)
3 tbs. Baker’s ammonia

put baker’s ammonia in warm milk until dissolved. (1 pt milk) Covered Jar.
Cream shortening, sugar and eggs. Add flour and salt and ammonia. Add L:emon
Roll to ½ inch thick. Prick with fork and sprinkle with sugar. Bake at 400.

Sea Fome Candy (As typed)
1 Lv. Brown sugar
1 cup water
Boil till forms firm ball in water bur mot hard.
Poor over 2 egg whits stiffy beatem mix good
Add 2 tavle spoons of marshmellow cream
Add a Tsp of vinilla can all peamutt butter.

Sea Foam Candy (As interpreted)
1 pound brown sugar
1 cup sugar
2 egg whites, beaten stiff
2 Tbsp marshmallow crème
1 tsp Vanilla
Peanut butter???

Add 1 pound brown sugar to 1 cup of water. Boil until forms a firm ball in water, but not a hard ball. Pour over 2 egg white that have been beaten until stiff and mix well. Add 2 table spoons of marshmallow creme and a teaspoon of vanilla. ?? Add 1 teaspoon peanut butter ?? 

Passing Down

Today, like many days recently, I saw a client who was in pain because of things that had happened in her life.  During our initial session we talked about families.

I am of the opinion that like genetic material, behavioral patterns are passed down through families and through cultures.  From the baby's first breath through every day of his or her life, the way to behave to succeed best in that specific family environment is taught.

Think about it - if you live in a rural (country) society, you learn the skills for getting along within that society. You learn how to be outside and what to do when you are.  Then, if you take that rural person and plop them down in the middle of New York - they have not learned the skills (both large and small) to function well within the city.

Likewise, if you have a family that has the patterns for conservative religion, the child might not function well in a family that is atheist or heavily liberal.

So, patterns for good or bad, are passed down through generations.

For some of the people I talk with - the patterns passed down are ones of addiction or of abuse.  The child learns how to enable, how to survive.  The people I work with often ask what is wrong with them that addiction or abuse was part of their life.

We do genograms (family trees that have addiction, abuse, relationships, and mental health issues added to them) and look at how behaviors are passed down through the family.  Then, we talk about how the question is not why they were involved, but why these things did not happen sooner. ... and why they are no longer happening.  We talk about the strength it takes to change these patterns and how much time it takes to do so.  We talk about the patterns they want to learn and want to pass on.  And we go about deliberately and with fore-thought learning those patterns.

Tonight, I am thinking about the patterns of my own family.  What was handed down and what I, in turn, have passed along to my son.  There is comfort in some of these thoughts.  And there is awareness that not all patterns are ones I have chosen to continue.  ... And, I am looking at patterns anew, considering if there are ones that should be now discarded and replaced by patterns more aligned with the future I see for my son and myself.

Laura

Strength versus weakness

Sometimes the clients want to know WHY they have been in abusive relationships or why they found their lives bound by addiction.  They want to know what is broken and wrong with them that these damaging influences are in their lives.  They want to know why they are so weak.

This is often why the first out of session task is to complete a family tree with additions for substance use/misuse, alcohol use/misuse, mental health issues, relationship information, and anything else important to that client.  Several clients recently have been in tears looking at family histories of addiction, abuse, and broken relationships.  Knowing the stories is different from seeing the chains of those stories connecting generation to generation.

When looking at the multi-generational history of abuse or addiction, the question really is HOW could they have avoided this!  Predisposition is genetically inherited for addiction and for many mental health illnesses.  Behavior patterns are taught from the baby's first breath throughout his or her life.

The statement following the question of HOW is this:  And what do you think of the strength you have which you are using to break this pattern?

I ask:  Have you looked at how very much work you are doing to NOT CONTINUE this cycle?

When the shaky smile appears, I say softly, You have so much to be proud about.

And then for a while there is silence as awareness seeps through being.

Then the client squares his or her shoulders, seems just a bit taller... and the journey begins....


Today my thought is this - how many times do we look at one small part of the picture and berate ourselves for weakness when looking at the larger picture shows our strength shining through?

Laura